The Ride [Les Twins Fanfiction]

CHAPTER XV

I lay in bed, keeping my eyes on his sleeping face and using my thumb to stroke his hand. I was afraid now. What if he was lying about loving me? What if our whole relationship was a lie? What if I loved him so much more than he loved me? What if he left me? He could leave me at any time, and could voice my fears of him not loving me.

What happened to me not needing anyone? What happened to loving myself to the point where I didn't care who loved me or not? What happened to all of that?

It was different. This is Larry. I need him to love me. I need him. I was special... Right? He said I was, but was that a lie too? Did he tell Tisha she was special? Who else was special to him? I slowly close my eyes, stopping my thumb. If he left me, would I revert back to the pitiful mess I was two months ago?

I didn't want to be that girl. I was stronger than that. But the mere thought of Larry not loving me filled me with a type of anxiety that I couldn't bear.

I hate him. I hate him so much. I hate how much power he had over me. I hated how he could reduce me into nothing a mess.

"Larry." I say, sitting up, not caring about my nakedness. "Larry, get up."

He groans, turning on his side. I wasn't going to stay in bed all day. Not anymore. "Fine." I say, getting up. "I'm leaving."

"Where you going?" He asks, sleepiness in his voice. I inhale.

"Don't worry about it." I say, holding my head up high and walking to the bathroom. I was in a sour mood, and it may seem left field and unreasonable to him, but I was the only one who knew my thoughts. If another girl was in my shoes she would have been salty too.

He wasn't as crazy for me that I was for him, and him confessing to me only bought that to life. Now I didn't know how to act. All we've done is fuck so far, and that's what I feared our relationship had reduced to. Sex. And I wasn't having that.

I enter the shower, making sure all of my hair was contained under my shower cap and turning the water on and getting ready to wash away all types of negative thoughts. Taking showers was the time to wash away all types of dirt. Emotionally, mentally, everything. I took plenty of showers once Laurent helped me get out of my depressed state. I felt so fucked up. Like, my body was clean, but my mind wasn't, and I took a shower to clean my mind too.

It doesn't make sense, but it helped. I felt better after standing under the warm water. It cleared my pores and mind up.

I inhale, using my warm vanilla sugar body wash (from Bath and Body Works) and loofah to lather myself with. I also had the lotion, which I was gonna put on after this. It smelt really really good. I loved smelling good. I get my body under the water, making sure the soap had rinsed off before repeated the whole cycle.

Well, I was going to repeat the cycle. I was just about to get under the water until the shower door opens, revealing my already naked boyfriend. I let out an aggravated sigh as he enters, trying not to roll my eyes as I let the soap rise from my body.

"Yes?" I ask, turning to face him and crossing my arms. This was my shower. We weren't sharing a shower right now. It was my turn to relax. He always gets what he wants from me, and when I want to be alone in the shower he can't handle it. I swear!

"I just wanna get clean." He says, swooping in to kiss me. I let him, allowing him to take me into his arms and kiss up and down my neck.

"Larry, I'm really trying to shower." I say, keeping my arms at my sides. He could kiss me all he wants, but I'll be damned if he thinks I enjoy it.

"You already clean." He says, his kisses trailing lower.

"Larry-"

"I love you." He says, lifting his head back up and looking at me. I keep my mouth shut, trying not to let the words get to me. What if he was lying? What if he was just playing me?