Am I your anything?(afi FANFICTION)

Under the summer rain

First of all, i am on ao3 under the same name. I am not stealing this work. Okay? Alright here we go. Also the chapter titles are song lyrics so I will add it in the media.

-jaydipiler

Its not that he's beautiful and so luscious in so many ways...it's that I love him and there is no way for me to tell him that. The way that he moves around me makes me think that he's interested in me. He brushes up against me during shows, when I'm sweating and concentrating on playing the right chords to match his lovely voice. It's also that he follows me around, hangs on my arm at any given chance that he has. It makes me realize that there's something inside of me that needs to be fed. And that lust has finally come up again, without my consent of it doing so. Davey Havok is a mink, and he knows it. He just doesn't want to admit it first.

Then there's the issue of me being in love with Marissa. She's quite the lovely fox herself, always smiling at me at the right moments and showing me that some points of life don't revolve around my best friend...and in this case fantasy. That's what Davey has become to me, something that will exist in my mind but never beyond the thoughts of my dreams and my daydreams. I would give anything to tell him just how I feel...but that would break not only my moral code. It would shatter is completely. And Marissa...it would hurt her too much. And I love her too much to let that happen to her. Let alone let me be the cause of it. I love them both, and I don't know what to do.

I can't very well tell Adam or Hunter, since they seem to think that it's a bad thing. Just from what I've seen. But they're supposed to be my friends, and friends are there for each other, no matter what's going on at the moment. That's what brought me to Adam's little sleep area on our tour bus.

We were in California, heading on up to Vancouver for a showing. I didn't know what to say, truthfully, except for the first thing that would just come blurting out of my big fucking mouth. But Adam was asleep, I could hear his breathing. And it sounded just as loud as my heart and pulse. I felt light-headed and weak from the effort of working up the courage to talk to someone that could possibly help me. Adam was like the big brother of the band, being always the quietest and most placid of the four of us. Davey was the child, I was the incessant teenager, and Hunter was the adult. But Adam...acting as the big brother, turned out to be much more mature.

That led me to the path of least resistance...wanting to walk down it and find help with the one person that I knew I could trust not to tell anyone my dirty little secret. Not even Hunter would know.

"Adam?"

There was no response and I pushed back the curtain that was there, covering and shielding Adam from the light that flooded into the bus through the morning windows. I had gotten up rather earlier then I normally did, finding myself unable to sleep. It seemed like Dave, Hunter, and Smith went for something to eat, or just for a quick walk. That left Adam and me on the bus. This was probably going to be the only chance I'd have to talk to the drummer, so I was going to take it...no matter the consequences.

"Adam?"

"Wha'?"

That one half-sound made me believe that he was awake now. Adam was not a fun person to wake up, but I needed to talk to him or I'd go crazy. Sure enough I was starting to get insomnia, laying awake just to listen to the sound of Davey's breathing. I would give anything everyday to just see him smile or laugh. It always gave me butterflies in my stomach and a bit of heat to my blood. That's what Davey did to me.

"Can I talk to you?"

"Why? I'm sleeping..." He sounded groggy and I had half a mind to just leave him alone. But I needed to get this out or it was going to make me insane.