Becoming Jane

Chapter 1

Chapter One

October, 1833

Little J lived in a world of ignorance. Men of all ages were ignorant to the talents of women. The men in her family accepted her, they encouraged her intelligence and allowed her free reign of the library, but her dreams extended beyond the library of Ethridge Manor. Far beyond.

She’d come up with the plan herself when she was seventeen years old. She knew it was foolish and she would most certainly end up in prison for it, but she knew she had to try. To have something so close, yet so far away was painful for her.

The first person to catch her was James. She’d never intended to tell him, or anyone, but when he caught her rifling through his wardrobe she knew she had to own up to the truth.

Thinking back to it now, Little J could understand how idiotic she sounded, yet James still helped her.

It was the summer of 1829. Little J had escaped from one of the lavish parties her parents had thrown as part of the season and had retreated upstairs. The plan had been swimming around in her head for a few days, and she’d just only thought of something that might work.

She’d opened the door to James’ bedchamber without thinking and she thanked God it was empty. She wasn’t afraid of James’ finding her at the moment, she was more afraid of walking in on her brother and a companion. Her brother at that time was quite a rake. James’ oozed confidence, and the ladies of the ton flocked to him like the imbeciles they were. There was no doubt James was handsome, but he was never going to select a wife, not unless he was forced.

She recalled being rough with James’ wardrobe doors, hearing the brass handles hit the walls. She then panicked at the sound they made, and the possible crack they’d left. She then wondered why she hadn’t gone to Henry’s wardrobe, knowing that his clothes were smaller, and were more likely to fit her. She would be swimming in James’ suits. She was taller than her sisters, but not by much, yet she was much smaller than her brothers.

She’d pulled an overcoat from the wardrobe and slipped her arms into it. The sleeves were far too long and it seemed to be more like a dress on her than a jacket. “Idiot,” she had hissed at herself. “What made you think you could do this?”

She didn’t know why she couldn’t be content with the balls and soirees that she attended. Kitty was. Kitty thrived in such environments. Her sister was born to be a debutante. Little J on the other hand was completely different. She wasn’t like her sister, Annie, who was happy marrying young and being a wife. Little J knew she would die in that life, not literally, but she would feel as though she would always be wondering ‘what if?’ if she succumbed to that life. She’d had a few offers from various men but none that could have remotely tempted her. Men in the ton wanted wives who would obey them and sit quietly while they joined other women in bed.

She could remember jumping a foot of the floor when the door opened suddenly. She spun around to see James laughing, a lady behind him, yet not in view. He saw her standing at the wardrobe and he furrowed his brows. “Little J?” he’d asked.

Little J had quickly pulled the coat from her shoulders and tossed it in the wardrobe and then shut the doors to hide it. “It’s not what you think,” she’d said hurriedly.

“Christiana,” James said to the woman standing behind him. “Wait in the library for me, will you?” With that he closed the door and came over to her slowly. “Little J,” he said cautiously. “Do you not have a sufficient collection of gowns?”

Little J had known her brother knew there was an underlying reason for her being in his bedchamber. “Don’t tell mama or papa,” she’d begged. “Please.”