What Doesn't Kill You

Chapter Seven

Jeremy paced his father's office waiting for news from the search teams. His father had sent him home because he had almost torn a warrior's head off for making some snide whispered remark about how easy it should be to find Taryn because "fat floats." So Jeremy got sent to his father's office and the warrior was sent to the hospital. It had been almost a full day since she had gone missing.

Jeremy grabbed the envelope out of his pocket and stared at his name written on it in Taryn's curved handwriting. He didn't dare open it. He didn't know what could be inside. He didn't want to know. He was scared it would tell him how horrible he really is. Like he didn't already know.

He just wanted what was best for the pack. He hadn't wanted to hurt her. He just wanted the pack to thrive again and Valentina offered that chance. He had hoped he could still keep Taryn near him to ensure her happiness. To make sure no one messed with her again. He wanted her happy and well but he thought it couldn't be with him.

This guilt was tearing him up inside. The envelope felt heavy in his hands.

He needed to open it see what it said. He started slowly tearing open the envelope when his mother barged into the office.

"Jere, why aren't you out with your father?" His mother asked.

"Dad, thought it better I stay here so I would not hurt anyone," He said through clenched teeth. His fists balling up at the thought of that warrior.

The room was covered in silence as they both contemplated on the situation at hand.

"What if she's dead, mom?"

"Don't you dare say that!" His mother snapped at him.

Jeremy flinched back at his mother's harsh tone and she looked at him with sad eyes, "We'll find her."

Jeremy didn't know if she was trying to convince him or herself.

***

TWO MONTHS LATER

Valentina walked around the Red Moon pack house. The heaviness of the tragedy still pressing down on this once strong pack. They had been in decline for the last year and the death of a pack member had not helped. Especially one that was so loved by the Alpha family. But that's why she was here to mate with the future Alpha, Jeremy, and help bring the pack back to its original strength and glory. So that Red Moon could be a strong ally for her father's pack, Winter Bone. She had trained her whole life for this, to be a strong and beautiful Luna. She just had to get her Alpha out of his slump.

As she walked to Jeremy's room she contemplated on the next course of action for the pack. They had called off the last of the search parties this morning. Because even if they were to find anything all it would be was Taryn's body. There was nothing else they could do. There was no hope that she would be found alive. That last hope had died this morning when Alpha Garrett had announced to the pack that they would no longer be actively searching for her.

The next step was to start the grieving and healing process but Valentina knew there was no hope of the pack healing if she could not get their future Alpha to come out of his room and at least put on a brave face.

Valentina stood outside Jeremy's door gathering her strength. She knocked once then twice and after no response decided it best to just walk in.

Though the room was immaculate the man who lived there was not. Jeremy sat in the corner of his room, his knees pulled up to his chest with his arms wrapped loosely around his legs, his unshaven face hidden between his knees and that damn envelope in his hand.

Valentina knew the letter was from Taryn, she didn't know what was in it but she was positive that if he would just read it he could move on.

"Why haven't you opened it?"

His head snapped up to look at her not even realizing she had entered the room, "What?"

"The letter," she clarified, "why haven't you opened it?"

He stared at her for a moment and then looked back to the letter. After a pregnant pause he whispered, "I'm scared."

"Why?" She prodded softly.

"It's my fault she left. I pushed her over the edge. If I just hadn't re..." He stopped suddenly and looked up at his betrothed. The strong beautiful in front of him that would never understand the pain he felt over his mate's death.

"If you hadn't what? Jeremy?" Valentina leaned down so she was looking in to his eyes.

He stared into her chocolate brown eyes and found himself spilling the dark secret he had kept for two months, "She was my mate."

Valentina's eyes widened and she leaned back. Her eyes darted everywhere as she tried to gather herself.

"And you rejected her?" She asked in a deadly calm whisper.

He nodded, his demons shining through his eyes showing the darkness he'd been trying to fight since Taryn had disappeared.

Valentina took a deep breath and then asked the question she was dreading the answer to, "Did you do it for me?"

"No," he told her, "I'm sorry but if it had just been a choice between you and her. She would have won, hands down. But I had to think of what was best for my pack and you and your father are what we need."

She felt somewhat relieved that it had not been all her fault and that he sounded a little like the strong alpha she knew was in him.

"Then where is that now, Jeremy? Where is the strong man who thinks of his pack above all else? Because, right now, all I see is a scared little boy not an alpha," she whispered fiercely.

Jeremy looked up surprised by her harsh tone.

"Read the letter or don't, but your pack needs you right now. They need you to be strong and be a leader. You can mourn this loss when it is just you and me but when we're in public you must show that you've moved on," her words though fierce in nature were softly spoken and they all rang true. Jeremy knew that but to him it wasn't that easy.

"You don't know what I'm going through," he argued softly.

"I don't?" She asked with a raised brow, "so me losing my mate in the first hour of us finding each other is not similar to this at all? No you're right! I don't know what you're going through because I had to watch my mate die right in front of my eyes!"

Jeremy stared with wide eyes at Valentina and for the first time he truly saw her. A strong girl with a broken heart. He had completely forgotten about her mate. And she was right he wasn't acting like an alpha if she could move on so could he.

Jeremy slowly got up and towered over Valentina. They stood in silence taking each other in for a few moments. Then Jeremy spoke, "We must make arrangements for her memorial and then we must move on and address the rogue problem."

Valentina nodded then glanced down to the letter in his hand, "are you going to open it?" She asked softly.

Jeremy glanced down and took a deep breath, "No.... I... I'm not strong enough. Will you take it and hide it from me. I can't have that over my head knowing that she cursed my name and hated me. But if I don't read it I can still hope that she forgave me and understood my idiotic reasoning behind the things that I did. I can't give that up if I'm to ever get over this."

Valentina nodded again and walked away with not only the letter but his heart because he could never let himself love another knowing that he was the cause of his mate being dead.