There she sat, feet and legs just popping out, the wall obstructing my view from the rest of her. She was he Devil disguised as a 14 year old girl with silky blonde hair and dazzling blue eyes. Who would've thought the Devil wore booty shorts... Yet, even though she broke my heart, she kept coming back for more. Like the taste of my blood wasn't enough, it was if my sorrow was her favorite drug, her addiction.
Funny though, it wasn't in her company that made my heart ache and my eyes swell, no, it was the constant thought of her being beamed into my head due to the fact that she never left there, like she was doing a boycott and refused to leave. She wouldn't escape, there she lurked like a shark, and when I'm at my most vulnerable, when I start bleeding, she attacks; with brute force and the advantage of my unsuspecting nature, I didn't stand a chance. I fall victim to her mind games and dig myself deeper into this pit of despair.
5 months later and everything changed, somehow I was able to crawl out of that pit, narrowingly escaping. How did I accomplish such a stupendous goal? I rid myself of all contact with her and was finally able to build crawl myself out of that near bottomless pit. Which I now stand looking into, wondering if I should jump. If that wasn't enough I attempted to replace all love for her with hatred, and never told myself I was never going back, not ever. Too bad love is a hard creature to kill.
The first days of school are etched in to my memory, not the useless facts I obtained from my teachers, or the people's names I was soon to forget, no, it was every pain staking moment I laid eyes upon the monster I was preparing to face, the one I thought I loved. She talked to me as if 5 months ago she hadn't pried my heart out of my chest and slowly squeezed it into obliteration as I watched. I ignored her, hoping hatred would overcome the strong, opposing force of the love I had barricaded deep down into the abyss of my heart. My love is a stronger monster than she could ever be, it was my drug, and I had to fight that addiction if I didn't want to be sent spiraling down to a place I might never escape from, the pit.
Every day she talked to me, I couldn't imagine how fucked up someone has to be in order to think after destroying me like she did, just talk to me as if the world was sunshine and lollipops, like nothing ever happened between us. As she would ramble on all I could do was sit and wonder if she honestly knew how badly she hurt me, how much pain she brought upon me. No, I've never shed a tear for her, but I've come close enough. Fortunately I was able to convert all of those feelings to the one I'm best at, anger. I know anger well, I use anger to fuel me; anger is what allowed me through the summer to build the wall that protected me from her. It also was able to produce a decently sized hole in my closet door that my Dad wasn't too happy about. Still remember the date of that whole, April 20th.
Her persistence paid off, after consistent talking I didn't have the ability to stand it. She's been the only person I've ever been able to talk to, be myself around, I hated it, but even after all the stress she put me through, the pain, I couldn't help but not talk to her and her wooing conversations. No matter how high of a wall I build, she always will find a way to slither her way around it. My months of effort, gone, just like that, with a twinkle of her eye, or a brush of her hand, my wall was slowly collapsing, weakening, degrading, she was relentless. Slowly she was weaving her way back into my heart, at least what remained of it.
I succumbed to her ways; finally, one day, I kissed her. "Wow," I thought, "That was stupid." But I knew as soon as I did something went wrong. After spending 3 months head over heel for her, dreaming about how magnificent our first kiss would be, it was... nothing. There was nothing. Somehow my mind was in love, but my heart wasn't, maybe it's just my heart was smarter. Our lips touched buts that's it, our emotions stayed distant, it was like kissing a wall, or a zombie, cold and lifeless.
