Hey guys, I'll make this very brief. Please please PLEASE tell me how you feel about my story. Any thing that I could improve on or if you like it in general. Thanks!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Oh my God, what did I just do." I said to myself. I have worked so hard to get over Cris, and once I did, I fell for him again. I need time to find myself. I don't know what to do. I want to be with him, but I don't want to get hurt again.
"What, what happened Kylie?" My friends ask me.
I couldn't speak anymore so I just showed them the texts. They held my phone for at least 2 minutes, reading the text messages over and over again. Poppy comes and hugs me saying that its going to be okay and that it was good that I told him how I felt about him. Elizabeth begins to type on my phone. "Look, I do love you, but I still need to find myself again. I don't know what to do right now. You throw this after not talking to me for 3 months. I don't even know what I did that was so bad that led you to not speak to me for that amount of time, but what ever it was doesn't matter. I need to find myself and you need to do the same. I love you Cris and I want to still talk to you, but like I said, I need time. Please don't take this in the wrong way. This is the exact opposite of turning you down. Just, can we please wait until high school starts? Please?"
She sent it and gave my phone back to me. What have I done with my life? I've had boy problems, but nothing like this. I'm not crying, thankfully. But i'm going into high school in less than 2 weeks. I need to A, focus on my school, B, focus on my sports and C, not get into too much trouble. I don't know what to do, I really don't. My phone buzzes again and I see Cristhian's face pop up on the screen.
"He's calling me. He never called me before. Oh my God, I've never heard his voice. What should I do?!?!?" I'm screaming frantically. I don't know why I'm scared. I know what he looks like, I used to go to school with him before he moved. He never talked to me though. He always ignored me when I tried to say Hi to him. He was always with Samantha. He never payed any attention to me. My phone stopped ringing just as I was about to answer it.
"I don't know, should I call back?"
"Well, do you want to talk to him?" Poppy asks me.
"I mean, yeah, but I don't know what to say to him."
"Then let him talk first."
"Okay.." I go to my recent calls and I hit 'call back' The dial tone rings about 4 times before he picks up.
"Hi." He says instantly followed by a sniffle.
"Hey,"
"Look, I know I was an ass before and trust me, I feel like complete crap. I've been beating myself up over it for a while now. And I understand why you don't want to be with m-"
I cut him off.
"I never said that I didn't want to be with you, I just need time. Just like you, I have beaten myself up because I couldn't figure out what I did wrong, to make you hate me so much and to stop talking to me. I don't know why I got myself wrapped into this. Its what got me here in the first place. I always get hurt. I just don't know what to do. Cris, I want to, but I don't know how." I can't hold it in anymore, i'm crying now, and I don't care if he can hear or not. I'm crying because I don't know whether I should give up, or keep getting wrapped up into a fantasy that I don't even know will work anymore. I have no clue what to do. Liz and Poppy are sitting in the couch across from me, looking at me with sympathetic eyes. Poppy is tearing up. My salty tear drops are now soaking up my shirt.
"I'm sorry."
"NO, DON'T SAY YOU'RE SORRY. THAT'S BULLCRAP AND YOU KNOW IT. DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY TIMES I HAVE CRIED MYSELF TO SLEEP? HOW MANY TIMES I HAVE WANTED TO KILL MYSELF BECAUSE I COULDN'T HANDLE THE STRESS? THE ANGER, THE SADNESS. IT'S ALL BECAUSE I GOT MYSELF INTO SOMETHING SO BIG AND I CAN'T GET MYSELF OUT OF IT. I HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO SLEEP AT NIGHT BECAUSE I HAD NO CLUE AS TO WHETHER YOU'RE SAFE OR NOT. GOD CRISTHIAN, WHY CAN'T YOU UNDERSTAND THAT THIS TIME SORRY ISN'T GOING TO WORK?!"
I hang up the phone and run to the bathroom because I can't deal with it anymore. I don't want to be here. I don't want to see Cris in two weeks. I don't want to see my family, I don't want to see anything. No light, no children, nothing. I just want to see darkness. I look in Liz's cabinet. I find Doxepin, sleeping pills. I look at it, all of the information and I stop. I sit on the ground, bawling.
"Kylie, what's wrong? Come on, let us in."
I ignore everything and everyone.
I slowly open the pill bottle and tilt it to the side toward my palm.
Pills. Two, four, six, eight, twelve. Sixteen pills. I count 16.
Water. I need water. I get up, pills in hand and turn on the water faucet. Cups. I need a cup. I find one, and fill it up to the top. The pills go in my mouth at one time and tilt my head back to drink the water. After I swallow, I lay down and wait to go to sleep. "It'll be all over soon. I promise." I tell myself. I close my eyes and wait. I hear sirens outside. They come closer and closer. "I'm so close. I'll be free." The door busts open and I give in. I'm asleep and i'm drifting. Drifting into Oblivion. Finally...
