"That totally makes sense Cristhian. Now tell me why you really didn't answer my texts." Kylie said to me.
I know she's mad at me. I know she's hurt because I didn't answer. I want to go and see her and make everything all better. But I know I can't. I'm thousands away in Australia. I'm on the verge of tears. I don't want to hurt her this way.
"Okay, I didn't text you back because I was mad. And I didn't want to talk to you because I thought you were going to get mad at me. I know that we've had a lot of problems in the past, but I want to get over them. I realize that you're the only one for me. I want to be with you for the rest of my life. I love you, Kylie."
I send the text, throw my phone onto the side of my bed and lie down. I close my eyes, shake my head and think to myself, 'What the hell did I get myself into.' My phone doesn't send me any notifications for about 10 minutes. I figured Kylie wasn't going to answer me back, I just poured my heart out and she couldn't reply. She doesn't love me anymore. She hates me. I have no clue what i'm going to do when I get back to Colorado. Honestly, I can't spend the next four years of my life with her; crossing in the hallways, seeing her at lunch, and possibly even seeing her with other people. Other men. I couldn't stand it. I want to make her happy. I want to do that. I don't want anyone else to do that. But she won't let me now, because she hates me. I plug in my white earbuds that I got when my dad gave me the iPhone 5 case, and I put on My Chemical Romance and blast it into my ears. About 15 minutes after I plug in, my phone dings. "Kylie" My phone read. I open it immediately.
"What do want me to do? You say you love me and then stop talking to me out of the blue. I cried for days Cristhian. Days. I wake up every morning wonder, hoping that you'll finally text me just once. You stop texting me for a month. A fucking month. I took the hint that you didn't want to talk to me anymore so I just stopped. I stopped trying to get you to like me, to respond to me, just to do anything that involves you. I really did love you Cris, but how can you expect me to trust you to stay with me for the rest of my life, when you pop in and out of my life without any knowledge as to when you'll be back? "
I have to pause and take a breath, I can feel the tears running down my cheeks. I can feel the humility running throughout my body, the anger. Not any anger at Kylie, but at myself because I didn't pull through; I didn't make her happy. Instead, I made her upset. I made her hate herself. She told me all her problems that she's going through and I just made them worse. She told me about her parents; not accepting her, She told me about the cuts; the ones she put on her wrist because she felt like there was no other way, and She told me about all the boys; the ones that repeatedly hurt her, and constantly made her feel like crap. And I added on to that. I made her worst nightmare come true. I can't live with that.
"I think we need to try everything all over again. I love you so much Cristhian. And because I love you, I want this to work. I want US to work. So let's try this over again, okay?"
"Okay" I respond.
"Hey, Cristhian right? I don't know if you remember me, but we used to go to school together."
At this point, I'm balling. Because I know that I hurt her in 4th grade too.
"Hey Kylie. I remember you. You've changed a lot since I last saw you."
"I don't want to do this Cristhian. I don't want to try and reconnect with you. Its just a waste of time." She writes.
I know what her answer is; 'Because I don't want to be with you anymore, you couldn't give me the love that I wanted.'
"Why? This was your idea."
"Because I just realized, that I love you too."
