used to be friends ∆ phan ∆ completed

Chapter Eight

A/N: You don't have to listen to the video, It's just a Christmas-Y song and its so close so why the fuck not?

Phil P.O.V

After the fight with Dan, I went to stay at Chris' house. I cried for the rest of the night. What Dan had said to me hurt more than when I was six and I decided to throw huge pieces of glass into the river behind my house and on of the pieces slipped and cut a long line down my wrist. I'm getting off topic.. it hurt a lot.

It's been two days and I still haven't gone back to the Howell's. I didn't want to go and face Dan again. He keeps texting and calling but I need to calm down. I've been playing video games the entire time I've been at Chris'. I feel kings bad as I keep murdering him on Call Of Duty because I need to relieve stress and anger.

"You know, you can't stay here forever, Phil. You have to go at some point and talk to him about it." Chris says after I killed him for the fourth time

"Yeah, I know." I sigh, "I just.. I don't know what to do about him. He seems fine one minute and the next, he thinks I'm Hitler or something."

"You should go back. Talk it through with him. He is having a hard time right now. You understand that don't you?" Chris had forgotten the game and headed towards the kitchen.
"Yeah, I understand that he is." I sat down at the counter while Chris started to make sandwiches, "I just don't know why. He can't expect us to the best of friends again if he's keeping a huge secret from me."

Chris grabs cheese from the refrigerator along with ham, "Have you considered telling Dan about your feelings?" He asked, pulling the bread out of the pantry.

"No. Of course not." He shakes his head as he spreads mayonnaise on his bread. "What?" I ask.

"How do you two plan to have a successful friendship if you won't communicate with one another?" He finishes making his.sandwich and take a huge bite. "I honestly think you should go back to the Howell's and tell Dan how you feel." He somehow manages to say with his mouth full of food.
"Firstly, don't talk with your mouth full, it's gross. Secondly, what if he doesn't want to talk about it?"

"Then you leave it alone until he feels comfortable talking about it to you." He takes another bite of his sandwich and there's a little-bit-too-long-silence as I wait for him to finish. "Remember that you two haven't spoken in like, three years."

"Four." I correct.

"Whatever, just go apologize."

Dan's P.O.V

I haven't sleep much since Phil left. I keep texting and I've even left a few voicemails but he's so mad at me.

Why to go Dan. You can ever do anything right. You're useless.

These thoughts swim in my mind as I lay under my covers. No matter how much I try to block the voices out, they're all right.

I can't stop the tears that stream down my face. Soon though, my sadness turns in to anger. I'm mad. I'm mad at Phil, for leaving and making me so worried. I'm mad at Carrie's dad, my uncle, for ruining my life that I never got to live. I'm mad my parents, for allowing Phil to stay here. Mostly I'm mad at myself, for allowing myself to get closer to Phil, for saying all those things I didn't mean to say.

I paced back and forth, too mad to lay down. I was filed with so much anger and self hatered.

I picked my phone up, seeing that I had a text. It wasn't from Phil, it was mom.

I yelled, throwing my phone against the wall.

Carrie then walks into my room, a concern filling her face. "Hey." She says quietly, trying to seem calm.

I look up at her and cry. She rushes forward and envelopes me in a hug rubbing my back.

"Hey, hey shh. It's okay Dan. Everything is going yo be okay." She whispers in my ear, leading me to the bed

"No. Nothing is okay. I fucked everything up with Phil! I'm such a fuck up, Carrie." I cry louder, hugging the stuffed bear my parents got me a whilw ago.
"What's the matter, Dan?" She asked calmly, taking tissues and wipping away the tears (and most likely snt coming from my nose) and running her finger throw my hair.

"I don't know what to do. I don't know how to feel about him and I'm so confused and I'm so scared and I already fucked things up with him once and I might have just done it again and fuck what do I do?"

"Can I ask you something?" She replys. I slowly nod.

"What to you think when you see Phil? How do you feel?"

I thought about that question for a good while. What do I see when I look at Phil? What do I feel? How does Phil effect me?

I look over at Carrie, who's waiting patiently,. I think of Phil and his amazing smile and his adorable laugh. I think about the weird, fuzzy feeling my stomach gets when he's around. I think about that one morning when I woke uo and he way laying right next to me and how happy I felt, and then it hits me.

"I see a lonely boy. Someone who trusted another person and that person person left him and stopped talking to him all together. I see someone who deserves love and kindness. He deserves an explanation. I see Phil. Wonderful, amazing, beautiful Phil. I feel happy and my stomach gets this weird feeling that feels like a million butterflies are flying around and it's a good feeling. I feel loved and I always want to be near him and make him laugh. Fuck Carrie, I might like Phil."

"Then tell him."

*********
That glass incident when Phil was six actually happened to my old friend and I saw the whole thing and I was only like six so I have a small phobia of blood now.. c:

FINALLY FINISHED ANOTHER CHAPTER!!!

YOU PROBS THOUGHT I WAS DEAD? LOLZOR NAHH

It's currently 4:37am as I'm writing this but I won't post until tomorrow/today(Sunday)[I feel asleep v early last night and I forgot to turn mu alarms off for holiday & was awoken at 5am] because I did a contest for a new cover for this book and I'm hapoy to announce that the winner is.....

@/ y4dun on Instagram!! Go follow them. Thank you so much I love it a lot!

Anywhore,
I hoped you like this chapter! Merry Christmas, happy hanukkah, happy kwanzaa, and if you don't celebrate anything, have an amazing day. I hope everyone had a great 2015 and I will see you all in 2016 as we all now I procrastinate a lot and will in no way get another chapter done before the new year.

-Morgan

P.S ALSO THANKS FOR 1K GUYS HOLY SHIT!!!!!