Let There be Cowboys

Troubled Juices.

Troubled Juices:

As I sat dazed in amazement on how I made it in the bucket without killing myself, sperm donor reversed the truck out of the imaginary cage of a parking spot. The wheels squealed and dirt flied off as he tore away to the entrance of the road.

I crossed my legs tightly, fighting against the pressure that holds back the magical juices of my body, trying not to pee myself. Good lord please don't let that happen. Hey, anything's better than peeing in a bunch of scratchy ass bushes. Shivers ran down my spine. Ehhh, just think about all the people that have peed there before me. Fuckin' nasty as hell. That's so unsanitary to! Well.......maybe not......I guess it just depends on the time period of when someone drains their snake.

Just waste period is a nasty science. Is it even considered a science? Yeahhhhhh most likely. We live in a sick, sick world. Like farting, WHAT'S UP WITH THAT!? And then people just laugh after they let loose! It's like dude. It's not funny. Like, at all.

 And sweating. I hate sweating. Your body's legitimately raining leftover fluid that it leaves behind. Yeah. Nasty. It's like if you ate a bunch of cake and went to work out or something, and began to drench yourself in sweat, you're basically soaked in wet cake.

Now that I think about it, I take that back. I think it only works for onions and garlic........Although you have to admit, sweating cake seems pretty epic. Imagine someone smelling you and being like, "Aye, ate some cake today, did ya?" The guy sniffs you again, "Ohhhh chocolate chip was it? Huh, you do kinda look a lil darker in some spots more than others." So many casual conversations can be made with this type of topic. Just imagine. That or they'll be creepy as fuck.

Back to the matter at hand. I need to experience a liquid waste movement as of now. At least I got my mind off of peeing my pants.

I focused on where we were heading, and not my aching bladder. A look of determination swept over sperm donors worn face and I swear to the lord above that any minute the buckets wheels are going to take on a new independent journey of there own. Leaving the bucket stationary.

I felt like I was in a Scooby doo episode, running through halls and doors trying to escape the bad guy. The truck kept appearing at four way dirt road intersections with the same scenery. If I didn't know better, I probably would've asked sperm donor if he knew where the hell he was going. But this is the country. You're out in the middle of no where and EVERYTHING looks the same. He has a better chance at finding me a dump house than I do.

Oh hey look a cow! Oh wait more cows! I think I'll name him Fred. We drove around for a couple minutes longer. A couple black dots appeared on the horizen.

Wait....

IT'S FRED! Oh ..... oh wait.... Fred has a kid now? When in the hell did that happen?  Oh....oh fuck.....maybe Fred's not a guy. I'll just name her Phred. Total and complete difference there! How could I miss that?

I think I'm losing my mind. Thanks Phred for helping me plead insanity.

By now my legs were super glued shut across eachother and I was squirming in my seat. The sun fell farther away from its spot it lay a half hour ago.

"I'm gonna give birth to a freaking liquid sea monster and make this so-called-car bucket have a rainstorm if you don't move this damn thing NOW!" Screaming at sperm donor kinda helped. I mean, he kinda did swerve a little almost hitting Phred and her on-tw-three little calves, but that's behind us considering it's literally 3 miles behind us. I kind of miss Phred now. And of course the mini Phreds.

By now sperm donor is as antsy as me and every worry line that once etched themselves upon his face only to be buried within, now stuck out like a Chihuahua in a pack of wolves. Sweat, nastiest product of the human body,  began to drizzle down from his receding hair line across his face, dripping in pools on his shirt. His eyes stuck out of his socks like the showing symptoms of steroids, if only he puckered his lips, would he look like Nemo.