I Promise, I Swear

Chapter Two ~ Start Again

Chapter Two ~ Start Again

I woke up screaming.

Even after I had shot up from my bed and recognised my bedroom, I still continued to scream. I wanted to let the pain out, I wanted to forget that nightmare. I wanted it to be only a nightmare. But I knew for a fact that it was reality. The same reality that was a nightmare throughout the day. It visited me every night, and played with my mind in the day.

And up till today, I still hadn't gotten over it. I couldn't.

My parents came rushing into the room a few seconds later.

"Oh, sweetie. Shh... It's okay..." My mom cooed as she hugged me tight. My dad stood by our side, looking at me with sad eyes. They knew it was the same nightmare that had been occurring since that day, and they had been trying to help me overcome it ever since. Obviously, it didn't work.

I was crying. Again. I couldn't help it. I tried to muffle my sobs into my mom's shoulder, while I silently prayed for this day to end quickly so I could get by my life as fast as possible.

Go to college. Get a job. Take care of my parents. And then die.

"Honey, it's okay. Mommy's here. Daddy's here. We're all here. It's okay." She continued to whisper soothing words into my ear as she gently stroked my hair. My dad just stood by the side, not knowing what to say. He probably decided to just let his woman handle it.

I wanted to tell my mom it wasn't okay at all.

I wasn't okay at all.

But instead, I told her, "I know. I'm okay."

After a while, I calmed down. However, I started to have that stupid hiccup disease where I couldn't stop my hiccups.

I suddenly felt very self-conscious in front of my dad and quickly buried my face in my mom's shoulder. My mom got the message and shot my dad a look. A 'leave-us-alone' look I guess, since that was what he did after.

"Honey, I know you're trying. It's going to be okay, alright? If not now, soon. I promise. Maybe you just need some more time. But sometimes we need to learn to slowly let go, a little by little. We can only hold on for so long, but after a while it gets tiresome. We're like rubber bands, you know. We can stretch ourselves but after a while, if we stretch ourselves too much, we'll snap. Don't let go too soon, but don't hold on for too long either, yeah?" My mom said to me once the door shut close and she gave me a small smile.

For the record, I knew my dad was probably listening from the outside.

'I promise.' Wow.

A promise is an extremely bold statement of strong declaration. It's like a word of honour, a hundred percent guarantee or assurance, an oath that said thing will happen. It's something that many people make but few people keep. It occurs every day in our lives.

When people tell us, "We'll call you to inform you of your job application" and they don't ever call back. When they tell us, "I'm fine" but really, they aren't. When students tell their teachers, "I'll do my homework", or "I'll hand it in tomorrow" and they don't.

This, for instance, was one of them.

I don't blame my mom for not knowing.

I usually keep it to myself. I've been a huge burden to them and quite frankly, even I get tired of myself sometimes. I get tired of living like this every single day, but then I can't seem to find a way out.

So I just let myself stay there and sink further down. Let myself get used to it slowly, until the day maybe, just maybe, it won't affect me as much anymore.