I Promise, I Swear

Chapter Four ~ The Worst Kind

Chapter Four ~ The Worst Kind

I walked briskly towards the back of the school.

I wanted to be alone and so alone was what I went to get. However, someone did not seem to be able to get that idea.

"Katie!"

I quickened my pace, in hopes to lose him. Or give him a message that I wasn't in the mood for games right now.

"Katie -" A hand grabbed onto my arm, and pulled me to a stop. I struggled to get it to release me but to no avail.

"Let me go!" I shouted, tugging at my arm.

"You can't run away from me forever." Carson tightened his grip.

"Leave me alone!" I screamed. "What's wrong with you?"

"I just wanted to get to know your new friend better but you ran off." He pouted.

"He's not my friend." I spat out, emphasising the word 'friend'.

He seemed to get what I was trying to imply. "Aww, Loserpants doesn't have any friends?" he mocked.

I glared at him. It shouldn't have hurt, but it did. In reality, that sentence was like a slice right through my chest. It opened up wounds that I've spent years trying to desperately cover.

"I don't need friends. Especially kinds that will stab you in the back." I replied, poison lacing my voice.

His eyes widened slightly, and the smirk slipped off his face. But as quick as it left, his face hardened.

"But those who kill them are the worst kinds." He said, his voice suddenly as cold as ice.

I staggered back. How dare he? How could he?

Tears were forming in my eyes but I didn't want to give him the satisfaction of seeing me cry. I promised myself that I wouldn't let him make me cry anymore.

Just as I saw something flicker in his eyes, I shoved him with my shoulder so that he would release me. I turned around and fled, taking the growing pain in my chest with me. I ran up to the one place where I knew I could be alone - the roof.

I burst through the door just as a tear slipped. I quickly wiped it away, not wanting the rest to fall.

I sat down near the edge and stared at the view before me. You could see the whole campus from here. Most of the students were in their classes so there weren't many around. But I could see some loitering around, probably skipping classes.

I sighed and squeezed my eyes shut.

How could he? After what happened, how could he say that?

***

"It's all your fault!" He shouted.

Tears were trickling down my face. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I wish it were me." I choked out.

"I wish it were you too." He spat out, his eyes pierced through me, just like how his words pierced through my heart.

I gasped. A sob forced it's way out and I cried harder. I thought we were friends. Friends don't wish such things upon each other.

"I'm sorry." I croaked.

"Stop saying that! It's not going to bring him back! It's never going to bring him back!" He screamed, his eyes blazing.

I could see the pain and hurt in his eyes and my heart died a little more, if that was even possible.

I struggled to keep my breathing even, though I knew that I was long past that stage."I wouldn't have... if I knew..." I incoherently said in between sobs.

"Murderer." He suddenly whispered.

"What?" My eyes snapped up to meet his disgusted ones.

"Murderer! I said you're a murderer!" He snarled viciously.

The force of his words shook me and made me stumble back.

A murderer.

That's what I was.

A murderer.

That's what I'll always be.

***

My eyes remained closed. I didn't dare to open them.

I was afraid that once I did, the dam that I was trying so hard to hold back would break open.

All this time, I thought that I could do this. I thought I would be able to slowly get back up on my own two feet.

How wrong I was.

Everywhere I went, everyone I met judged me, hated me, blamed me and mercilessly reminded me of the most important person I lost, as if I didn't live with the guilt every single day.

Every part of this school, it reminded me of him. Everything, everyone, reminded me of him.

Him.

What had I done? Why did I let it happen? How could I? Why am I still alive? A thousand questions always ran through my mind. But I never found the answers.

What was left was only the remnants of the single, lingering word in my mind - Murderer.

It would repeat itself, replaying like a broken record. It never stopped to give me time to breathe, only drowning me and occasionally giving me a second to take in enough air to barely survive. It was like a haunting voice that constantly reminded me of everything that happened and who I was.

The questions never stopped. What if I hadn't gone there? What if I didn't let him do it? What if it were me instead? All the useless 'what if's were what kept me awake in the middle of the night.

It should have been me, not him.

He had a life ahead of him. A wonderful, beautiful life filled with dreams. He wanted to be a writer, and we had talked about what would happen after high school. He had his life planned out, and we had plans to go places together.

He was going to have an amazing life. But he couldn't have that because of me. All I did was ruin it.

I couldn't hate myself more than anything after what happened. I had taken a life and torn many apart.

Carson was right. Out of all, I was the worst kind.

In a flash, he had lost his life.

It was I, you see, who ended it.

***

A/N. Hey guys! How's everyone doing? I know this is a really short chapter sorry! I'll be able to start updating more once this week is over so please be patient with me! :) Once again, thanks for reading my book and don't forget to vote! Love all of you!

E.C. xx