28 Years a Hero

2004

Jan 2,2004

Jay's father was a fireman for thirteen years and retired from the U.S. Air Force as a fireman for four years on top of that,but fate doesn't care about numbers or experience or even life. That call that night, three years ago was the end of his career.

"Mayday! Mayday! Charlie side of building,unit three ladder company,Tyler,air at twenty five percent alarm is on, trapped with one down firefighter pass system is activated,request of a rescue team,over."
[static]
"Captain Tyler,rescue is on their way,stay put,over."
[static]
"Copy."
[explosion and crackling]
"Tyler? Tyler come in,over."
[static]

Those were Jay's father's last moments before the building collapsed. His father and his partner both died that early December day. Jay was distraught he had listened to the tape over and over trying to catch the last breaths of his father,a final remembrance like grasping for sun on a cold winter day, how he got the recordings I'll never know but honestly I wish he hadn't because they changed him.

Since the accident he had taken it upon himself to train harder than he ever had, I always thought it was his way of coping. For the first time in his life a passion grew. He wanted to be like his father,like his hero. He wanted to be a firefighter. I loved his father like my own and had seen many of the dangers over time. A part of my heart was nervous but the lot of me knew that this was his calling and I had to let him go. So I did.

The ceremony for his father was grand and lengthy leaving Jay and I exhausted at the end of the day. It was late and everyone had left,leaving us with the quick approaching cold of night. The pink and purple tie-dye of the sky stained Jay's white shirt and pants a deep magenta color. I glance down at my soft black dress tiredly and looked down at Jay,still knelt one knee down at his father's grave sight, the scent of freshly upturned soil in the air.

He insisted on wearing white whilst everyone was mourning with the very cloth stitched over their bodies,black and modest stitched with the very emotion of sadness. I sighed softly as for Jay not to hear it. I stayed with him through the end but had paid my respects to the almost adoptive father,leaving my energy spent.

"Jay." I sighed finally putting a cold hand on his tense shoulder,the mass of muscle could be felt beneath the thin textile of his white shirt so bright against the evening shadow. He stayed completely stiff despite my touch. I massaged his shoulder gently in attempt for work the muscle into a smoother less steely feel. "Why white,how white? How can you wear white when you feel so...lost?" I ventured dangerously. If even possible his shoulder contracted tighter,a taught rope.

"White is a color of hope." He said simply. "My father always said that in every darkness there is hope,light. Death is dark but there is light in it. The very idea of death is hope."

"Hope?" I wondered thinking through any possible way something so devastating could be so good. I was too tired to make sense of his words.

"Faith that you will see them again. After someone dies,we never hear from them again so it takes the strongest amount of hope to believe and to know we will see them again." He spoke with words so strong as tired as I was I almost turned religious myself.

I had never considered myself religious,but Jay's family were very strong Christians, church was his thing not mine but it was a nice thought to think of,life after death. I didn't know if I believed in life after death but I knew Jay did and it gave me peace,having him believe such things.

"So that's why I wear white." He said simply and I nodded slowly,dropping to my knees and resting my forehead on his shoulder.