Once In A Lifetime

Still Want You

The week flew by in anguish, and I could not stop the pain in my heart. Brandon's hideous revelation rocked me to my core, and I couldn't stop thinking about him, or his slap in the face of a "girlfriend". Was this to get back at me? Or was I just another girl, dragged and dropped once used?

I sat in my small office, a secretary to a boring law firm, and my mind was clouded with thoughts of the past couple of days. Pangs of pain disseminated throughout my body, and the warm feelings of affection that I had felt for Brandon was replaced with anger, and hurt. He constantly occupied my thoughts, and I wished I had never gotten into this mess in the first place.

My phone buzzed, and I glanced over at it from the corner of my eye. Brandon's name flashed from the bright screen, and I just rolled my eyes. I decided to grab my phone anyway, to see what excuse he was trying to use now. I jumped a little in surprise when I saw the words "call me" and "emergency!" used in the same sentence. I knew he wouldn't text me like that unless it was for real, but then again I knew he wouldn't have hooked up with my ex-best friend in spite of me. Nevertheless, I responded back.

I decidedly called him, and as the phone rang I felt like I made a mistake. However, hearing the low voice of morning Brandon gave my body chills, and it felt like a mistake no more.

"Jules?" Brandon whispered.

"Yeah, it's me." I replied.

"Oh my god, you finally answered!" He exclaimed, a little surprised. I chuckled knowing that he probably didn't even look at the caller id when he answered the call, the old man.

"Yeah, you told me it's an emergency, what's wrong?" I asked, raising my brows in worry.

"Yeah, I just wanted to hear your voice again," he said sweetly into his phone. Small waves of anger shot up to my head, but were quickly replaced with adoration as I heard that he wanted to hear me again.

"Well, here you go." I said awkwardly.

"Gee, that's a lot of words, thanks," he laughed.

"Well, you called me during work, so I can't talk much," I explained.

"Oh, what do you work as?" His low grumbled voice set my body on fire, and I felt my tense anger wash away.

"Oh, a boring secretary in a boring law firm." I said. I even cringed after hearing what I said.

"That's amazing." He said, and I could hear the smile coming out of his voice.

"Amazing? It's like the worst job ever." I said.

"Not if you're doing it. Well, what do you actually want to do then?" He asked. I bit my bottom lip in contemplation.

"A writer." I finally replied.

"Writer? So how much erotica have you published?" He quipped.

I betrayed my outward defense and laughed, and I could feel Brandon lightening up at my voice. It almost was as if the past couple of days didn't happened.

"No, Brandon, I don't write about that. I really like writing romance novels and fiction though." I expressed.

"Fascinating," was all that he said. I felt the smile coming out of his phone, and knew that he was enjoying this conversation just as much as I was.

"Yeah, well, I have to go back to work, so I'll talk to you later-"

"Wait, I really did want to ask you something, and it is an emergency." He interrupted, somewhat seriously.

"Ok, what is it?"

"Are you still up for Saturday?" He hesitantly asked, and I knew he was walking into dangerous waters. Flashes of this past week returned to my head, and my pain began to return through my body.

"I don't know, Brandon, it's a little too soon for us to see each other-"

"I know, I know, but I can't stand not seeing you for so long." His quaint statement of desire fired up the flame inside me, and I leaned back in my seat. This boy was the spark to my pyre, and I felt helpless knowing he could light it at any second.

"Brandon, but Emma..." I tried to make an excuse.

"It's fine, it'll just be the two of us. I'll make sure of that." He said.

My lips rose to a faint smile, and I cherished the thought of us spending the day together. However, I knew that it would just add more flame to the feud between me and her.

"No, she's coming. It'll be better for both of us." I said.

"Um, alright then." Brandon said, a little more than confused.

"Okay, I'll see you then," I began hanging up, knowing the more we talked the more I wanted to stay talking with him. I knew he felt the same way, and was just as reluctant to end the call.

"Uh, okay Jules, I'll see you then." Brandon replied, his voice showing small signs of disappointment. I wished I could kiss his sadness away, to comfort his confused and love-struck soul. I wanted to be there, in his big arms, feeling his muscular biceps wrapped around me. He desperately wanted to see me, and I felt happy at the thought of us seeing each other again. But Emma was more than ever in the shadows, and soon enough I heard another voice on the line: "Hey babe, who's that?"

My body tensed up at the sound of her voice, and I heard Brandon reply, "Nothin, babe, head on back to bed."

Jealousy again surged through my veins. "Goodbye." I curtly responded, and hung up on him. I heard him start with a "Wait, Jules..." before I ended the call, but I honestly did not want to hear him right now. Agreeing to see him again seemed like another mistake, but a small part of me pushed the rest of me to follow through and see him on Saturday. My mind was playing a mental tug of war, and the side rooting for Brandon seemed to be winning. True, I did want to see him again. No, I needed to see him again. Our last abrupt conversation only left our relationship and hearts hanging, and I knew both he and I couldn't stay away from each other for long. But, the knowledge that he and Emma were now together, and more than likely sleeping with each other disgusted me, and I wasn't sure if I could trust Brandon again. I badly wanted to see him, to feel his warm embrace, to reconnect our fiery kiss that stole my heart that night...

No. These feelings are what got me here in the first place, and I knew that seeing him again would only complicate things more. I resolved to tell him later today that something came up, and that I would not be able to go on Saturday. Or was that the right choice? My conflicted brain began to hurt, and so I put it at the back of my mind and returned to work.