Revenge meets Love

My choice

A choice. What's worth a choice? What do you choose? You have to choose or else you'll lose all the choices. Like I said choosing always means losing! You may not believe me now or think I'm crazy to think about that stuff, but that means you're pushing away what you can't control. Everyone does it, your friends, family, ... So did I and that was the moment before my life would change.

I am thirteen years old. A bit like you or maybe younger or older. But anyway, I am going for my first day of horse riding that day. My mother is telling me a lot about it while we are driving to the riding school. She is 45 years old and has experienced a lot on a horse. My mother is the typical sporty Chanel type of woman. When I hear about the many, many chances there are to fall off a horse, I start to panic. I make sure that she doesn't see anything on the outside and she doesn't notice anything about it, fortunately!

When we arrive, there, a woman comes to us. She smiles at me and I give her a slightly polite smile back, but I see in her eyes something that wake up something of me. She introduces herself as Manja. I have only been here for a minute and have already learned my first horse riding lesson. You always have to stand on the left of a horse to walk with it, to lay on your saddle and to climb on and off the horse. After that it goes very quickly and before I know it, I am sitting on the horse named Jimmy. She immediatly starts  giving instructions and I'm glad she did, because I probably wouldn't have enjoyed it and thought the whole lesson about all the things you had to watch and control. That's a speciality of me, I think too much!

Now it's one year later and I still enjoy it, but I've started participating with championships and earn too much success (more than my mother) and now she has forbidden me to participate, but I may still ride. I know she's jealous because it went more smoothly with me. She had to wait 2 years to finally participate.

I want revenge on my mother! She couldn't do that! She should be proud of me! Instead she's jealous and she takes my success away!

One day I am chatting late in the evening with my friend when I get a text from a boy named Jameson. I don't know him but he is my age. When I discover he's from my athletic training from when I was twelve, a plan starts popping in my head.

I know my mother hates him because he's from a very rich family but he doesn't show it. "With that much money you should only wear Dior pour l'homme, Armani, Armani jeans and Boss!" says my mother. At that moment I make one of my decisions. "Mother" I say thàt boy is called Jameson!" My mother turnes so quickly to me that her freshly conditioned hair make a straight line through the air. "What did you say, Kathrin?" She asks. I can hear her voice raising. That always happens when she gets into situations she can't control. "I said his name is Jameson and I like him." I say it with a tone of self confidence but inside I am shaking. My mother's eyes scream shock. "Kathrin" She finally says after it seemed like fifteen minutes. She has probably found an explanation for my answer. Actually to be honest I know what she is going to say... I know how her brain works. She's going to ask if this has anything to do with the fact (yeah for her it's already a fact!) that I can't participate anymore. When I deny, she's going to ask if he is threatening me and so she will go on searching for a reasonable explanation. "Kathrin?" She says again thinking I'm not listening. "Are you saying this to get back at me for not letting you participate?" See?! Like I said! Here comes the rest. "No mother I really like him!" I say. "Does he have something of you so he could blackmail you?" She asks, counting on a 'yes'. " No mother" I say "I really like him and I want to study Biology with him Saturday evening." I hope this would give her a small polite hint, but I know better! She has been ignoring all those hints my whole life so why would she pick them up now? And like she can read my thoughts she says "OK" I look her in the eyes and what I see isn't totally clear. She is happy but also relaxed and suspicious. And then I know it, she is going to plan a very important trip on Saturday so I can't meet Jameson. She has done it before. "Really mother?" I ask "That would be amazing!" My mother tries to smile while she tries to say "Well, I mean, it but don't get too excited! Maybe some things will happen so you two can't meet." She has said yes to my expectations. But I won't let that happen! I have to bring him in my mother's 'perfect' life!

The next day I get up as usual around 10 o'clock in the morning. I just love the smell of freshly baked sandwiches when I get up. But I don't smell anything?! Where's my mother or Hanna?! Oh right mother gave Hanna a free day. Oh no something must have happened to mother! I run as fast as I can to my mother's bedroom and when I come there, I see something laying on the floor in front of the door. It's a meeting card for 'Oxford House', a tennis club. Very expensive so it's normal my mother goes there, but she hasn't been since. OH NO! My dad came back yesterday evening and wanted to meet my mother. Now she is probably laying on the bed with six bottles of Scottish whiskey as her company. She does it every time.

I open the door and what I see is even worse than I expected. The special paintings of Van Gogh, Rubens and Monet are 'total loss'! And then I know what has happened. My father did come back, only not alone. Probably with Model Number 2001! I wonder how he does it, I mean they're so young and he's so old! Whatever, I need to comfort my mother, listen to her version of the conversation and give her many hugs. (Ironic isn't it? We never hug but when she's drunk we don't do anything else.) When I go to her bed, I see that her eyes are red and swollen. I'm right. Plus she's got a migraine. So that means I have to make breakfast myself. I drag myself downstairs after our 'conversation'. When I go downstairs I know things between us are clear now. At that moment the phone starts ringing. That can't be good news, it's never good news when they call at 11 in the morning! My mother's assistant had taken the call and phoned to say my grandmother had passed away. I don't know exactly what happened but I think I just hung up and sat there against the door with my head on my knees. Her funeral is this Saturday! It didn't even come up I would study with Jameson that day. I mean my grandmother was family and she was the only one who really encouraged me and actually listened to me. She was like the perfect grannie. Now that I think about it, everyone in my family is dead. The only ones I have are my mum and my dad, when he's around. Maybe there was a chance things would get better between us.

The next day my bitchy mother is back. She lets my hope collapse in one second. She pretends our 'conversation' of yesterday never happened. At that moment I decide I have to meet Jameson! So why not Sunday? But after 2 months or something! I want to get to know him before our 'date'. And he needs to fall in love with me first. That's my only chance for getting my revenge on my mum.

The next conversation with my mother is very rare, because we don't have many conversations  about feelings. Mostly just when she's drunk. Now I need to get Jameson as much as possible in our conversation. It isn't that easy in real! Every time I begin about Jameson she cuts me off or makes sure I start eating. Well, if she wants to play it like that.

I start calling him and sometimes leave the phone on speaker so she can listen to our conversations. Jameson clearly loves me but I can't answer his feelings. He's sweet and all but I don't want that! I just want to get my revenge and after that it's done. How am I going to explain this to him ? I don't have a clue! Or maybe I just don't tell him and then I'll see what happens. Yes that's a good plan!

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