The Chronicles of Me and Mr. Cat (as well as notable others)

Vacuming and the Devolution of Power from Central to Federal/Regional Governance

Miaow.

Well if you keep shedding hairs like that of course I have to keep vacuuming Mr. Cat.

Miaow?

Well because if I don’t there will be your hair everywhere and it’ll be unhygienic.

Miaow.

No, just because you wash your self doesn’t make you hygienic.

Miaow?

Well yes ok it makes you hygienic but it doesn’t make our living conditions hygienic.

Miaow?

Yes but the skin cells I shed are so minute you can’t really see them and they end up becoming dust really.

Miaow.

No I’m not just picking on you and being unfair and speciest again. There really is a difference in the way we shed.

Miaow?

Well yes but those hairs only come out in the shower and when I shave it only falls into the sink and I make sure clean up afterwards. I don’t see you cleaning up after yourself, now do I?

Miaow.

Yes, but you don’t have opposable thumbs Mr. Cat, that’s the point.

Miaow.

I don’t see why you’re making such a problem of it Mr. Cat it’s not like I’m telling you, you can’t shed your fur or anything, I’m just saying that I need to vacuum after you is all.

Miaow.

No I’m not saying you hairs are disgusting either it’s just that having the hairs fly about the place is unhygienic because I may breath them in and it may go into my food and so on Mr. Cat. Be reasonable.

Miaow.

Yes but nothing happens when you breath in my dead skin Mr. Cat.

Miaow!

No Mr. Cat you can’t claim divorce on the grounds of an irrevocable breakdown in our relationship and living arrangements. And you can’t live on your own in the house either

Miaow?

Because we’re not married Mr. Cat and it’s my house, that’s why.

Miaow.

For two reasons Mr. Cat, firstly you’re Mr. Cat not Ms. Cat so it’ll be a civil partnership if it weren’t for the second reason; it’s illegal across the world Mr. Cat. Not to mention that it’s considered very taboo. Look there goes Ms. Heiry Coo, we’ll ask her.

Miaow.

That was a very droll joke Mr. Cat. Yes maybe she can, as you say, comb out this hairy problem we find ourselves in. Ms. Heiry Coo! Will you come ‘ere a minute or so ye wee daft scunner?

Moo!

Ack! Excuse me lass I wasnae tryna insult ya or nowt ye ken. Ye arr indeed a large wee daft scunner. Now me an' Mr. Moggie ere was havin' a wee spat abit livin' arrangements an' noo he wants tae gang aff oan his ain. Whit say ye?

(Oh no! Excuse me girl, I was not trying to insult you or anything you must know. You are indeed a large small daft scunner. Now me and Mr. Cat here was having a small disagreement about living arrangements and now he wants to go off on his own. What say you?)

Moo?

Miaow.

Weel aam nae sayin' he has tae nae shed his fur, aam jist sayin' that Ah hae tae vacuum as we bide in th' sam hoose together.