Control(Cameron Dallas daddy fanfic)

chapter9 why?

Starlight's P.O.V.

i wake up and i see Hayes beside me. i tear up and i shake him awake.

"Hayes wake up!" i scream as i cry

he wakes up and he sits up groaning from a hangover. i cry and his eyes widen realizing what i already did.

"We had sex" he says breathlessly "Shit why did we have sex?!"

"We were high!" i say crying "and you were drunk as well and i was depressed. god this can't be real"

i slide on the dress i was wearing last night and i run to the trash can and i don't see a condom. my arms start shaking.

"oh god" i say starting to sob

i hear him getting his boxers on and soon i feel him pull me into his warm embrace.

"shh" he comforts me

i tremble and we fix our looks before we both rush around the appartment. i walk into the master bedroom and i see the girl Cameron cheated on me with. i go pale hearing the shower running.

"ever heard of knocking whore?" she asks me

i tremble and i swallow hard.

"s-s-sorry. i-i-is Cameron in the shower?" i ask as my voice cracks

"Duh" she says like i'm a idiot

"sorry b-but how was i supposed to know. hoes like you sleep with a billion guys" i snap

her eyes widen and i shove past her and i go to the bathroom door. i realize it's locked and i turn and see Hayes holding the girl from me. i grab a bobbypin and i unlock the door. i open it to find Cameron... bleeding in the shower. i turn off the water fast

"HAYES CALL 911!" i shout

i see the cuts on his thighs and the blood coming from his head. i struggle but i get him out of the bath tub and i get something over him so that when the paramedics come in they don't see him naked. i watch as they get there and they shove me out of the way. i run to Hayes and i cry. the girl just rolls her eyes.

"whatever i'm going to the beach" she states

i watch her leave and i just cry more. Hayes calls Shawn and Shawn takes me into his arms. Hayes goes to dance rehearsals and Shawn goes with me to the hospital. when we get there all the other boys are already there waiting for us.

"They rushed him in to run tests" Nash admits "Where were you Starlight?"

i sniffle

"Hayes and i got high and he got drunk as well and we ended up sleeping together" i say as my voice cracks

i break down sobbing as all the boys soon hold me and comfort me.

"shhh" they try to say making me sob harder

"It's my fault!" i say sobbing "he only slept with her cause he heard Hayes and i!"

i sob harder.

"shh how could that be your fault. you were high" Taylor argues

"because i only got high cause i wanted to make him jealous" i say crying

they get silent and i cry in Shawn's arms. he holds me close and tight.

"i'm sure he's gonna be alright" Shawn tries to assure me

we wait for almost an hour. i look up as the doctor comes out. he walks over and my arms tremble

"we stabilized him" the doctor says sounding sad

"w-why do you sound sad about it?" i ask as my voice cracks

the doctor takes a deep breath and tears flow down my cheeks

"he's in a coma..." the doctor admits

my eyes widen as tears flow. he speaks more but i don't hear him. i'm in a complete daze. i run to his room not hearing anything around me. i run to his side and i sob seeing all the tubes and wires hooked up to him. slowly i start hearing everything again. i hear the heart machine beeping. i sob hard as i sit beside his bed holding his hand.

"Baby wake up" i say crying "please. i love you so much. i'm so sorry. this is all my fault."

i sob into my free hand holding onto his for dear life. it's my fault. i'm the reason he's in here. it's my fault. i cry for what feels like hours. the boys take turns staying in there with me since we aren't allowed to crowd the room.

"i think we should end Magcon" Taylor says

i sniffle and i play with Cameron's fingers

"i agree" i whisper as my voice cracks

"did you even hear the doctor after he said he was in a coma?" Taylor asks

"n-n-no" i admit

"They said he had drugs in his system. that they were in him a lot lately" Taylor admits

tears form again and i look up at Taylor Caniff.

"h-he cheated cause of it?" i ask

he nods and i cry again. Taylor holds me on his lap cradling me. i sob.

" i can't loose him Taylor i can't!" i say sobbing uncontrollably

"shh shhhh you won't" Taylor says

"y-you can't say that! you don't know for sure!" i say sobbing

i tremble. i feel empty. broken. lost. i feel like there's nothing else in me to break.

day after day i just sit there crying. Hayes stays with me most of the time. i think trying to make up for what happened. i rarely eat. whenever i do i just sob till i throw up. my world feels empty. i lost the person who means more to me than anything. and worst of it all is that i can't tell many people. when fans ask where Cam is and where i am we just say Cam was in a wreck. and that he's in a coma.

i'm not mentioned unless the boys can't avoid talking about me. then they just say i'm crying cause i miss my father. he's not my father though. he's not even close to that. he's so much more to me. Cameron is my everything. and i'm in love with him. it feels like a crime. basically cause it is. i'm illegal. i'm 16 and i didn't even bother celebrating my birthday. i just sat around crying. i feel worthless. i feel like nobody needs me and i most of all feel lost.

after a long day i sigh.

"Nash i'm gonna take a shower" i mumble to him

he nods and i walk to the bathroom. i undress and i step in the shower. i wash the tears from my face and i scrub my body tryign to get rid of the feel of Hayes in me. i look at my shaving razor. i know i shouldn't. Cameron wouldn't want me to. Cameron would be broken if he found out. but he's in a coma. he won't know. i grab my razor and i slide it across my skin. i cut myself finally letting all my emotions out. i cut my sides and thighs. watching my blood drip down my body. my tears flow as i hear somebody knocking on the door.

"Starlight let me in" Nash begs

i sit on the floor of the shower and i just cry. letting my emotions fill the bathroom from my sobs.