TWO DAYS BEFORE
maybe it was because I was scared for what the next day had in store for me - even though it wouldn't matter, I didn't matter - or maybe it was just my racing mind, but I was already time to get up in the morning, and I was just now starting to fall asleep.
and I still wasn't remotely done thinking, that's the bad part.
I already had a lot to think about, too many things to name, and adding my future to the list was not what I had planned to do; at all.
but the harder you try to forget something, the more you remember. it's a losing situation, really.
I slammed my fist down on the snooze button on my alarm, that had been annoyingly going off for about 5 minuets now; I just hadn't acknowledged it until now.
I'm not sure how you would describe the noise that came out of my mouth next, but I think it resembled a grunt.
"Daisy, Daisy!" my mother called, slowly opening up my door.
"go away," I muttered, throwing my pillow over my face in frustration.
"don't feel good?" she asked, I could hear the sympathy dripping from her voice.
"no," I said, although it came out muffled and hardly decipherable.
"you wanna stay home?" she asked again.
"yes," I replied shortly.
"okay, honey, I'll call you in," she declared before shutting my door softly.
just as her footsteps were out of my hearing range again, my alarm blasted.
I finally turned it off for good, and threw myself down into the mattress.
thanks, mom. I said in my head.
no school, nothing to worry about. which totally makes staying up all night and thinking about what is going to happen at school, totally, utterly stupid.
fuck my life.
---
at noon I finally got up to get food, I swear my stomach was eating itself alive.
we didn't have anything to eat except some fruit snacks, so I settled for those and scurried back up the stairs; two at a time.
however, fruit snacks aren't enough to fill a person up, so I was still hungry 10 minuets later.
I decided to ignore my stomach and flip on the TV, but nothing was remotely interesting.
I rolled my eyes at my own bad luck and picked up my phone - silently hoping that there would be something interesting on Instagram.
I scrolled and scrolled and before I knew it, I was sucked into some interesting photo on my phone.
it was a picture on one of my classmates profiles.
a picture of me.
and Luke.
and whoever it was, had clearly misinterpreted the situation in the photo.
it was a picture of me on the floor in the hallway yesterday with Luke standing over me, seeming to have a smile on his face.
the caption read: "@luke_is_a_penguin helping your girlfriend ;)?"
my heart pounded as I saw a few of the comments.
"like that would ever happen."
"since when is Hemmings a one woman man?"
and a reply from Luke himself: "never, would I ever, date her. but thanks for the promotion, brah."
my heart sunk a little further, even though I don't know why.
it was a weird - a horrible - feeling, and I hated it.
---
by the time my mom got home, it was already dark outside and I had been in my room, sitting in the dark for hours now.
that horrible feeling hadn't gone away, if anything, I made it worse by laying in bed drowning myself in my own terrible thoughts.
I don't know why his comment bothered me so much, of course Luke didn't care, he was Luke, he didn't care about anything except himself. the post itself was pretty ignorant by itself, Luke wasn't capable of liking, or caring for anyone besides himself.
he was Luke, for crying out loud.
but even though I knew what he was like, and that whatever he says shouldn't bother me, it did.
and it hurt.
