My Tourniquet

Chapter 4

I went up stairs to my room, the same before the chaos happened. Everything was still in place, neat, warm, cozy, but for some reason it didnt feel like home. I felt so alone, no one loves me I dont think.

I went to my closet and dressed in all black; my white and black checkered t-shirt, black pants, and black and white converse. I took a glance in the mirror. Different. Seems to fit my new inner self. I went to the bathroom, my first glance was at the tiled floor; pink. Where my blood was. I looked away and got out my moms hair straightner, my hair is usually wavy but when I straight it it looked cool. Moms make-up; packed with all sorts of varities: eyeliner and the eyeshadown was all I needed. I looked at myself hard in the mirror, I felt stoic, nothing.

"Are you gay?" I looked up and saw Maddie, staring at me innocently.

"No im not. Trying something new."

"Well you look like a homo." She ran off to her room. Another look in the mirror. I didn't see no gay guy at all.

At dinner that night, there was silence. Nobody looked at eachother. Was it because of me? I bet it was. It felt really awkward, I couldn't even breath cause it was that freaky. After dinner I quickly went back to my room, I've never been so awkawrd in my life. So much has changed since the accident; nobody listens to me, makes me feel guilty, so much sorrow comes out of me, what more does my family want from me?

In bed that night, I had a nightmare about the instant replay of Maddie getting hurt and my dad beating me. All of a sudden, I couldnt breath. I was gasping for air, opening my eyes it was pitch black. A pillow was smuthering my face, then it let go. The suffocation was weary, I coughed and gasped for breath. I looked up and saw my dad walking out of my room, he's trying to kill me.