Howling

Stream of Conscience

My mind is blank

I can't find any inspiration

I want to write something that makes people think

But how am I to do that when I have to remind myself to blink?

No one ever tells you what it's like to lose yourself

They lie and they say that everything will be okay

Why would I believe them when I can't see the end?

There's no enemy to fight

Because this war I'm waging is against myself

I can't even rhyme

I'm wasting my own time

They tell me to plan my future

But how do I do that when I can't see beyond right now?

My reality's fried and my daydreams are weak

I can't tell you what's wrong because if I do you'll freak

It's not the kind of thing you fix with pills and therapy

It's something that you'll just have to grin and bear with me.

Now don't get me wrong, I don't want to die

But what's the point in living if it doesn't feel real?

I'll tell you again, I just don't know how to feel

People always tell me to smile and they say,

"Now come on sweetheart, it will all be okay."

And thank you, it's so nice to hear it

That my fucked up psych will one day be acceptable

But I'm sick of the bullshit

I want someone who understands it

Who wakes up from one dream just to live another

Someone who doesn't mind when I zone the fuck out

That understands my complete indifference to human interaction and emotion

I need another human being who gets why

Why I sometimes can't bear touch

And that I can't explain why

But no one gets my mind because no one thinks like me

And that's not an attempt at narcissism,

No that's just a truth of the mind

Now let's go on, if you'll be so kind

To lend me your ears

And listen to my deepest, darkest fears

I don't know if I'm crazy or just confused

But my sense of reality is severely bruised

It's unrecognizable

The amount of problems I have are sizeable

And I don't know where to go from here

The voices in my head only sometimes disappear

I can't stand silence

It reminds me of asylums

Silent halls

And bright, white walls

People in my head

And asking why it is I bled

Bled on their nice white sheets

And when will my problems finally cease

Because pills?

I've been on them all

One makes me rise and another makes me fall

I don't know how to be better

Be a better daughter

Be a better son

Be a better fucking person

There's not much left for me to say

And when I can no longer write, well I'm scared of the day

Because without these words and without this verse

My moods and my burdens will go from bad to worse

My days are numbered

My demons leave me outnumbered

For those who're worried, this isn't my Note

I'm just drowning and don't know how to stay afloat

I'm all over the place

And my problems aren't words, you can't just erase

Deleting my demons is a temporary solution

There is no permanent resolution, I don't get an absolution

I'll live with this shit for the rest of my days

"Everything will be okay" is really just a phrase

Something they say to the fucked up youth

Because they think we can't handle the truth

But this isn't about their lies

It's about trying to survive

And failing to live

But being in that place somewhere in between

It's not the life of your average teen

And no one wants to be average

But we do want to be okay