Romance

3

I feel like I'm being desperate
And I'm scaring her away

Which is opposite of the reaction I'd like
I really want her to stay

But honestly,
I'm a freak
I've got nothing to give that she'd want
I'm a dork
A geek
One who sucks at love.

My self esteem is to the floor
And I can barely stand in lines
And when someone talks to me I get petrified.

I want to stay close
But every time I try
My heart freezes
And I feel the urge to cry

My worst enemy is myself
And trust me, I can be quite mean.

I'm ruthless,
Hurting my own self
Questioning any and every piece of help

"What if I'm annoying?"
"What if she wants space? "
"What if it was all my fault? And I'm getting replaced."
"What if she leaves completely?"
"What if she reads this and stares?"
"What if by the morning, she'll no longer even care?"
"What if it was all one sided along?"
"And all the words said, and lovely things that had been done, were in pity cause of my freakzoid Ness?"
"What if she's rolling her eyes, believing that I'm giving manipulating lies?"
"What if we drift apart?"
"What if, she kept my heart?"
"But then again, what if this was all in my head, alone, from the start?"

The shittiest thing too
Is that I know she'll read this
And not know what to do.
I don't want pity
I don't want a game
I'm just hoping the feelings will one day be the same.

Whether it'd be a feeling of adoration
Or simply friendly~