i appear to be full of smiles
i try to be
and maybe i am
maybe i've fooled myself into thinking i'm happy
though i know that's not the case
it's always at the back of my mind
it's always there and it won't go away
i can ignore it and try to forget
but it won't go anywhere
and someday i'll have to deal with it
but for now i'll pretend it's not there
going another day with this weight on my shoulders
trudging through each hour
my only reprieve when i close my eyes
and my mind can be filled with my dreams
