When love strikes

Love Is Not Real - one

Ashton:

"Mom can you drive me to school tomorrow I don't wanna take the bus." God I hate my bus there's way to many kids and they're so annoying and my mom won't buy me a car so I can't drive myself. "Why not baby I have to work tomorrow you know that." She says. Sigh* "Never mind mom." My mom never loved me, none of my family did. My dad left when I was 10 and my brother is 20 and hasn't talked to me since the day I came out. Its been 4 years. My last year of high school starts tomorrow and it's a new school so that's fun. I'm not looking forward to it. Even though I'm gay and all I never loved anyone because no one loves me. I want to die alone, that's just how it is.

My mom walks in my room and scares me. I stupidly yell at her then apologize. "What do you want" I say to her. "Well I was thinking since your last year of high school starts tomorrow I will drive you" she says back with a little too much excitement. The only reason she's happy is because when I'm done high school she will have the house all to her self. "Cool" I say back trying to act happy. "Ashton Come on lighten up you get to go see new friends at a new school and then you'll be off on your own" she smiles. "I'm already on my own" I say. She shrugs her shoulders and leaves the room. "It's sad Ashton, I really do care" she says. She slams the door and walks down the stairs. she doesn't care. All she cares about is that I get a good job so she can steal my money and buy drugs. That's one reason why my dad left. I don't blame him. But he left me with her. Cause he's a back stabbing dick. He told me that things would get better and then I wake up in the morning to see my mother laying on the kitchen floor out with a note laying beside her. She read my dads note and then did so many drugs at once she over dosed. If it would have been 5 minutes later, she would've been dead and I was 10.

          So I've never cut my self, ever. I've been standing in the mirror with a razor in my hand but I've never found it in my self to let it touch my skin. I just usually put the razor down and cry.

           We moved from Florida to LA and I'm about to go to a new school in a completely different state and I'm terrified. Florida was not very nice I got bullied everyday for being me and I don't know if it's going to get better or worse.

I have tried to kill my self before. When I was 14 my mom over dosed again not as bad but she was scary so I took one of the guns my dad had and left the house. The cops found me before I pulled the trigger. I don't know how I feel about that I'm glad that I'm alive but if I would've been dead I would never have to see my mom or think about my brother and I would get what I want, a lonely death.