School was the worst part. Everyone laughing with their friends, making out with their boyfriends, walking down the halls in a group. And then there was me, the socially awkward pretty girl who was always looked at as a booty call. Yeah, I knew I was pretty somewhere deep down inside. But I knew if it showed through I would look overconfident, too much for people to handle. Nobody really knew my true personality, which I'm not one to complain about, but sometimes it's nice having a someone who looks at you for you, knows you as you are, wants to be with you. But I knew that day wasn't close. So I kept walking, binder slowly sliding out from under my arms. Then a voice started chatting it's way down the hall. Frick. Off.
"Hey!!!! Vivian!" The voice called cheerily across the hall and making its way into my ear. "Oh my god, have you seen Justin?! He got his hair cut! I just can't stop looking at him! He's..." at that point I trailed off...staring into space as if it would get me out of this situation as fast as, like, now. Welcome to the life of Julian, the only person who liked me. And I never even talked to her. God, there's a little reassurance, knowing someone is more desperate than I am to talk to somebody. I saw people talking in the distance, occasionally looking my way with a nasty sneer on their face. How dirty that made me feel inside, I couldn't tell. But I knew it wasn't something to feel good about. So as I was about to show off one of my lovely fingers I had in stock, Julian's loud, annoying voice finally came back into focus, along with my hope that she would stop.
"...And so that's why I finally decided to dye my hair back to Brown." She finished, nodding her head as I looked down to give her the hint. Take it, come on take the hint. Take. The. Hi-
"Hey." I heard a guy say, and at first I actually thought it was for me. Maybe I would finally get my dream, the thing I've been waiting for since I was super little. But that dream was crushed like a grape made into jam on selling day. He spun Julian like you would see in the movies, and, oblivious or not caring about the people around him, leaned down and kissed her right then and there, tongue and all. I stared in disgust, taking all my might not to scream out of jealousy and despair. I hoped, though, as Julian looked up at me, that it didn't show on my face. Apparently getting away with it, she and her boyfriend stalked off down the opposite end of the hall, holding hands, while Julian talked and talked and talked.
My face hardened as I continued on, shoveling papers that I dropped back into my broken binder. If today were a book, I would be pissed. Not just 'Oh I'm so mad' pissed, but like 'YOUR DEAD MEAT I HATE YOUR GUTS' pissed. Julian, the most annoying person I know (even though that's a small list) has a freaking boyfriend. And here I am, working on fixing my binder while people snicker, looking in my direction and whispering things in their friends ear. Wonderful. Even though painful, I continued on, only stopping to stuff the papers back into my binder. I was a nobody, a sad, lonely, depressed nobody. But at least Julian liked me.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
If pig's had wings, my life would be so much better.
"You can leave this classroom when pig's fly!" The teacher had said When I asked to get a drink of water..And there was a fountain in the back of the room. I didn't reply, as talking would be lethal at this point, so I just blinked, hoping class would continue as normal. But apparently blinking isn't aloud either: "Oh, so now you're sassing me? Well I have some news for you, sister!" As she finished, I hoped at least, she picked up an orange slip of paper and started shaking it angrily in the air. And that's when I got a referral, and not the good kind...for, uh, blinking. So I stand up, thinking of all the possible sane teachers I could have had, and start to walk towards her. The class behind me is deathly silent, with only the squeak of a chair to keep my ears company. They knew another peep from them meant a bitchy teacher (if not already) for the rest of the period.
Taking the slip, I start for the door. Then the unthinkable happened. Back, in the very last seat, was Sam the class nerd. He sneezed. And that's when the classroom went hectic. Chairs were being thrown, people yelling, cussing, throwing notebooks. Many were pushed my way, along with the anger and fear of them all. What was the teacher doing? Smiling. An ear to ear crazy psychopath smile, because she would get to eat. And that meant the start of the Life Speeches.
See, every time a person sneezes in this classroom, Life Speeches start up. The speech where one person, usually the guy who doesn't do his work and fails, loses their life. And our teacher feeds off of his or her body. In her words...
"You must write and perform this speech, whether you like it or not. Otherwise, you will be eaten alive, along with whomever loses. The speech will vary on topics." And she stops, leaving us all questioning and fearful. A usual in this classroom. I think of my family, and my crush, wondering how they would feel if my life suddenly ended with no warning or sign at all, if they would care. Often I wondered if they cared at normal times of the day, when I was just...there. Always would be there, for all they knew. Maybe it was one of those things you don't think about, just know. Or maybe they did think about it, but had no idea what to think. Either way, I was probably never going to find out.
The classroom became louder now, even as I began to exit the door, and I heard Weston, my crush, yell something out. At first it took me by surprise, as he had never been one to be sensitive for the few months I have known him, (I don't consider him a friend, just a person I occasionally hang out with) but he said this loud and clear:
"I don't want to die!!" We all don't, honey. Get over it. But I couldn't blame him, he was new here. You just have to learn to survive the harsh conditions of high school.
