Journey
"I think we should try again."
I pulled my hand from under my husbands and immediately placed it in my lap. My mood had completely dwindled just from those six words.
"I'm ready to go, Justin." I flagged the waitress app that we could get our check.
"Journey, it's been a year. I think it's time for us to try again. We both want this. You have to-"
"I said, 'no'!" I elevated my voice and he looked around noticing that I drew some unneeded attention. He smiled and gave a few head nods before turning his attention back to me.
"I didn't mean to upset you." He ran his hand over his waves and let out a deep sigh.
"It's okay. I just want to go home, Carter." I gave a slight smile as I wiped a stray tear.
"Journey, you can't shut down every time it's brought up." He leaned back in his chair.
"Just not here. Please?" I whispered the last part.
My heart was racing and my head started to hurt just as it did anytime we talked about it. I was fine when I initiated the conversation, but if it's started by someone else it makes me feel uneasy. Well, more like inadequate. Like I'm not good enough. Why would he want me when I couldn't give him the very thing that he wanted.
"We're leaving as soon as she brings the check. Finish your dessert." He smiled as I took my cheesecake laced fork and put it up to his lips.
"It's good. If I knew any better I'd say it was better than-"
"Whose? Your mama's? I'm sure you wouldn't think it was better than mine." I batted my eyelashes as I watched him break a sweat.
"Here's your check. Take your time. Thanks again and have a good night." Kelsey, our waitress smiled and waved as she turned and walked away.
"I'm waiting, Carter and you better not lie considering you just preached three services today." I squinted my eyes as he paid our bill and left Kelsey a tip.
"Baby, that's the past. No need to live there. That was in my second sermon." He stood up and walked around to pull my chair out. "Now, I think I have enough strength to minister to you personally when we get home." He whispered in my ear causing me to blush.
"If I didn't know any better I'd say you're trying to seduce me into forgetting something." I held his hand as we walked to the car. He opened my door and jogged over to the driver's side to get in. "It worked. Maybe we don't have to wait until we're home."
"You gone show me what that mou-"
"Finish that question and you won't find out tonight." I had clamped my hand over his mouth. "Did you just lick my hand?" He wiggled his eyebrows.
"Keep your hands off of my mouth." We laughed as he turned the radio up. "Ohmygosh, Becky!" He said in a valley girl voice before he started singing.
Making my way downtown
Walking fast
Faces pass
And I'm homebound
Staring blankly ahead
Just making my way
Making a way
Through the crowd
"Stop, man." I laughed as he imitated the guy from White Chicks before I joined in with him.
And I need you
And I miss you
And now I wonder....
If I could fall
Into the sky
Do you think time
Would pass me by
'Cause you know I'd walk
A thousand miles
If I could
Just see you
Tonight
"No more White Chicks for you, sir." I said as we walked Into our house.
"Me? It was you, too and you knew every single word." He chuckled as he loosened his tie and took off his shoes. "Join me in the shower?"
"I'll give you a headstart." I smiled as I kicked off my shoes. He smiled as he left a trail of clothes behind him.
Once he was upstairs I picked up our wedding picture that was placed on the table. I was his first lady and he was my husband, yet our family wasn't complete. I sighed as I ran my hand over the framed photo with a heavy heart. Everyone thought that we had it all together. That we're perfect and immune to life's trials and tribulations. Just because he has pastored a successful church and I stood right by his side as a wife should. It's always easier looking from the outside in.
I cleared those thoughts from my head and left a trail of clothing right next to Justin's. After our shower we laid in bed with his arms wrapped around me with his head in the crook of my neck. I intertwined my our hands and finally let the tears fall.
"Carter, I'm scared. I want to try again, but I'm scared. I know I shouldn't be, but it's a feeling I can't shake." I shook my head.
He sat up and pulled me up and turned me so that I was facing him. He wiped my tears and kissed my lips.
"There's nothing for you to be scared of, Faith. Faith is literally apart of you. You just need to exercise it. God has not given us a spirit of-"
"fear, but of love, power and a sound mind." We finished the scripture together.
He touched my stomach and said, "I'm believing God for our baby. He said it, we just have to believe it. We can't show that we have faith that He will do it if we don't work while we wait."
"I believe God, but-"
"No buts. You want a baby, right?" I nodded my head. "Then we shall have one." He kissed me again. "How about we practice some more?" He ran his fingers through my hair.
"How much more practice do we need?" I asked as he kissed my neck.
"We're practicing until we get this here thang right."
"I love you, Justin Carter."
"I love you, more Journey Carter."
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Hey loves! So I'm trying something a little different here. I think with the last two books I had too many ideas and wanted to fit them all in. So with this book I'm pacing myself and writing differently. It's starting slow, but it will pick up. As always let me know what you think.
