Things I Want To Tell Him But Won't

I'll Never Forget...

I'll never forget you, the way your eyes turn so bright when the light shines on them, they are a sky blue but when the sun is on them, they are a beautiful light baby blue.

I'll never forget how your hair, a dark blonde, so short, yet so soft, bright and how it used to flop over your eyes.

I'll never forget that smile, so beautiful... Bright, that dimple that forms when you do. And Oh! That laughter that I love so much, which makes me love your voice even more!

But the killer part that I'll never forget, is how real you were when everyone else was so fake. You really wanted to try, you actually cared, and now I'm alone because I fucked up. Hell I am a fuck up.

Now I'm so fucked up that I'm on some "happy pills" that are supposed to keep my anxiety to a medium and my depression, but babe, that's not going to keep me from thinking of you, how I FUCKED UP!

My goddamn anxiety kept me from telling you want I wanted to say! And I'll always hate myself for that.

But I guess that was why God put you back into my life, to make myself realize when I had those panic attacks and breakdowns in the school, and my own bathroom, that I was messed up, that I needed mental help, so I guess then I should thank you for that right?

A thank you for making my life more messed up than normal. A thank you for my realization that I hate myself and that I want to die, but no, my medication will take all that away! Yay fucking me!

But yet, I still love you, I still want you, and need you. I probably always will.