Running With Her Heart

Chapter 10: Sleep is Avoiding Me

Running Song: How Deep is Your Love By: Calvin Harris & Disciples

I'm not sure if sleep is avoiding me or the other way around. I lay on the couch hoping sleep will take me prisoner. I watch the TV until the clock strikes midnight and I can hear my father finish his shower and climb into his bed. His soft snores can be heard through the door. I should sleeping too. Instead I go to my room and before sleep can start calling my name I change into my running clothes. As quietly as possible I sneak out the front door, holding the door knob all the way down until I've got it completely shut and I let the knob go with a slight click. I slip on my runners outside sitting on the step.

This time when I start my run I don't feel bad for not inviting Jonathan. I keep thinking about this afternoon. His actions running through my mind with each step I take. I push myself to run faster. He's gotten into my head. I don't know when it happened but it has. Although as I continue to run and eventually lap back to my driveway I bend down on my knees and before I can catch my breath I realize this run hasn't cured me. No peace comes to me as I collapse into the grass at my feet. I am no more relieved, I haven't rid Jonathan from my thoughts, I'm still angry at him. In fact if I didn't know better I would say I'm even madder at him. This run didn't fix me, it hasn't rid my mind of Jonathan, I'm just as ruined as before.

I go back to bed and surrender myself letting sleep smother all my thoughts. My fingers crossed that I've run far enough to escape the nightmares for one night.

I've woken up earlier than normal today. I make it out the door with speed that rarely is seen anywhere besides in my running. My muscles ache from the previous night. I figure that's what slows me down and not all that's on my mind. This slower pace despite giving myself extra time still isn't enough. By the time I'm running up my driveway I can see Jonathan on the front steps. My stomach sinks and I'm about to turn around when Jonathan spots me.
"Emily," he calls to me. I pause, I want to run. I want to run away faster than I ever have before. Let my feet take me places take my mind places it can't get to on its own. Except Jonathan is the only problem that can run faster than I can escape. I swallow down the instinct to get as far away as possible and when I feel Jonathan's hand on my elbow I swiftly turn around, pulling out of his grip.
"What do you want?" I say deadly calm.
"Emily. Please." He says reaching towards me again. I quickly take a step back avoiding his touch.
"What are you doing here?" My voice is void of any emotion.
"We have to talk," he states, his eyes trying to meet mine but I refuse to and stare at his forehead.
"Okay. Talk." I grit out between clenched teeth.
"Emily..."
"What? Either say something or get the hell off of my driveway." I take a deep breath trying not to let him realize how much this conversation is costing me.
"Okay. Okay. Not like this though. Let's talk inside or at my house," he suggests.
"No. If we're talking its right now right here or not at all." I gather all the courage I have and meet his eyes with steel in my own.
"I'm sorry that happened like that. I don't know what I was thinking. You were talking and I was mad because you were saying all this stuff that used to be true and you looked so beautiful that I needed to kiss you. I just couldn't stop myself," Jonathan explains.
"Whoa. What? Jonathan don't be crazy. All you did was prove exactly what I was thinking. Jonathan you play girls, you don't have any self control, and we can't keep running together. I didn't want to do anything more than run with you. Heck, I didn't even want that. I knew what you did to people. So you can't run with me anymore. Not that I suppose you'd want to anyways but I guess it was fun while it lasted but I'm just interested in running." I go to walk by him but I find his arm on my elbow bringing me to a halt.
"Are we just going to pretend nothing happened?"
"Nothing happened," I say with a shrug.
"We kissed," he sputters out.
"You've kissed a lot of girls before," I reason.
He sigh's in frustration before he gives me a look that cause's a shiver to run down my back, "Not like that. Never like that. It was different. Good different. You can't tell me you didn't feel it too. You kissed me back." I can't argue with the truth. It's true I felt something and I did kiss him back but that means next to nothing. Not when it comes to Jonathan.
"Yeah, maybe. It was still just a kiss."
"How can you dismiss this so easily. It wasn't just a kiss, it meant something."
"Wow, if I didn't know better I would believe you. Except I do know better, you're good with words but I trust actions and your past doesn't lie. Now please leave me alone," I urge him.
"Emily," I cut him off though before he can say whatever he was going to next.
"Just go. Okay? I don't need this right now. I just came back from a run and I need a shower so let go of my arm and leave me alone." With my words freezing him in his tracks I slip from his arm and I'm behind the protection of my door before he can stop me again.

I take a shower and plant myself on the couch. I don't use my laptop, I place my phone on silent, and the TV doesn't play. I need to get a grip. Jonathan. He's been messing with my mind. I don't know what type of vendetta he has against me but I'm glad it's over. He won't be running with me any longer and that will give me more focused time to train. I need to become a runner. I can't let someone like Jonathan distract me. I need to keep my eyes on the end goal. Jonathan was trying to take that away from me. No longer, I console myself. He can't bother me anymore. He's out of my life for good. Yet for some stupid reason I still can't get him out of my head.
The words he said I can't get them out of my head. It wasn't just a kiss, it meant something... You kissed me back. Why did I kiss him back? I can't come up with an answer. I should have shoved him away, kneed him in the groin, slapped him, anything but instead I kissed him back. When I thought I had escaped though he turned up on my door step. He's claiming these ridiculous things but I have to remember its Jonathan. He knows all the right words and all the right times to say them. I'd be a fool if I were to believe him. I can't let him get to me. I have to remember that I'm just a game to him. That if I let myself believe anything more than that it will only end one way, with Jonathan laughing with his friends about what an idiot I am while I try desperately to cling to something that wasn't even real. I won't put myself through that. I know the consequences of my actions and I won't play the fool. I'll play the runner.

Authors Note: Hey. Um I was thinking of changing the cover again so beware it might not look the same the next time you search for the story. As well I was just kind of wondering what everyone thought? 

Also I got slightly lazy and the format is no longer the same. This way is easier. If you don't like it let me know and I can go back and change it. Happy reading.