I knew I was meant for something great in this world of chaos, and I was supposed to bring order. I had no idea how change was going to be brought on or when was it going to happen. I was put on this earth for a special reason and I had a destiny.
Something changed within me at the time I figured this out, and throughout the years I was lost. I would do anything to bring back the part of me that was just reaching moments away from happiness. Though to understand the present you must look at the past, and to prepare for the future you must live in the present.
Waking up with the same emotion as I did the past five weeks. Disappointed.
My heart was raised up then thrown back down as I realize where I am. Knowing this pointless blank wall with nothing there for my eyes to wander to. Not even a crack or dent, no weird shading mistakes from uneven texture. Just a blank wall.
I had plans to do something to it but ever since I moved I couldn't see the picture I wanted to paint. Neither the past nor future wanted to introduce themselves today.
It's been hard bringing myself to understand that I can't bring change into this world again. When I reflect back on it, I don't know if I made it better or worse.
I look to where my window would be, instead replaced by pieces of woods and nails. Barely replaced the light it needed to cover so I ended up putting my dresser in front of it.
I'm not ready to go outside yet, even though they said it was completely safe now. I don't want to see the damage.
Water drips on my forehead as I look up to the ceiling which is damp. I grab the ladder set next to my bed and I take a pot from the kitchen and place it under the leakage.
I've been having anxiety these past two days just dreading today. I take my time getting ready, using everything sparingly. I have to wait a whole month before they give me a new set of supplies.
Being jolted by the door knocking, my heart races as I head for the door. I need a moment before I can talk. I take a deep breath and turn the door knob.
"Hi, you ready for the interview?" Finn asks.
"I'm not going to lie," I exhale. "But I need to get this out, and hopefully everyone understands."
I lead Finn and his camera crew towards a very small living room area. I sat on the chair facing the blank wall. He took a seat on the chair away from my blank wall. I stay silent until he tells me everything is ready whenever I am. I nod my head towards the camera and the red dot is immediately on.
"This is a very special episode on our show today. Ever since the attacks we have a very special witness to share her story." Finn told the camera before he turned to me.
"We have here, Alice Richard from Manhattan. Now we know that you were in one of the center zones in which the attack was targeted. Only five people survived it from that zone and you were one of them is that correct?" He asks. I can feel the camera turn from him to me and I choke up.
They weren't attacks, this story was going to be too much if I told them the truth. I invited them to feed the innocent a lie. I was going to make a story insuring the safety that this lie can protect them from the evil I endured.
I nod my head,"That's correct, I would like to share my story so that it would help people like me. Who weren't prepared for anything of this nature, and how I survived." I take a deep breath in and out. I look at the camera with the blinking red dot and it is definitely recording. I have to make this smooth and believable, because this story is beyond faith.
I can't help but let the memories flood back into my mind for a second.
