Amnesia

Trigger

She attacked at around midnight.

"Where is it?" Brenda screams, awaking me from a nightmare. "Where did you put it?"

When I open my eyes, I see Brenda leaning over me with dark eyes that gleam. They're wide and livid. Her lips are in a snarl and she spits with every word. Her hands suddenly wrap around my throat. My airway is blocked off immediately and I dig my long, uncut nails into her thin flesh with such force that I can feel her skin rip underneath my nails.

Brenda lets out a long scream, the anger overpowering the pain. "Give it to me!"

I start to panic when she doesn't release her grip from my throat. I try to talk but I can't. I feel my head swimming as I try desperately to get her hands away. Finally I stop trying to pry her fingers away and I punch her feebly in the nose. This does nothing.

"It shouldn't be your choice," she says through clenched teeth. "It's not your say."

I put the bottom of my foot on her chest and push off with as much power as I can. Brenda is lurched back into the trunk of the large tree. She sits there for a minute, stunned. I suck in as much air as I can and hold tightly to the branch that I sit on. A fall from this height will do me damage.

"Brenda, stop this." I hold on tight, lightheaded from lack of oxygen. "You're not yourself."

"You took the gun," she says. "You knew I wanted it."

"I didn't know you wanted it," I lie. "I found it and took it for protection from the infected."

"You didn't want me to have it," she says. "You're lying. You're a liar."

"Brenda, please," I say. "We can talk this out."

"Can we?" She lunges again, but I block her hands from my throat and push her back with sudden force. She nearly slips off the branch. "Just give me the gun!"

"I'm not letting you have it," I say. "You need to snap out of it, Brenda. You have a fever, you're getting angry."

"But I'm so cold," she whispers. I look at her in confusion at the sudden change of voice and facial expression. She looks down at her hands and lets out a small whimper. "I'm seeing things."

"What do you mean?" I ask.

"I'm seeing things," she repeats. "Blood. Lots of blood. I can feel my blood start rushing and then I get angry and then everything is just red."

"I know you're not doing this intentionally." I take a deep breath. I know I'm in a horrible situation. Here I am, high in a tree, clutching on to a single thick branch with my weak hands, trapped by Brenda who's turning right before my eyes. There really is no escaping. Especially if she turns violent again.

"I don't want to die this way," she says. "And I don't want to kill you."

"We can talk it out," I say, holding my hands up in defense.

Her face begins to redden and her eyes widen. As I watch, it's like her eyes darken and dilate. "Kill me!" she screams. "Kill me or I'll kill you!"

"I can't do it," I say, shaking uncontrollably. A lump wells in my throat as I hold back tears of fear and grief as I see someone so young, so strong, deteriorate to a dangerous maniac. "I can't kill you, Brenda."

My worst fear in this situation comes true as she pulls out a knife from her pocket. I let the sob out, followed by a fearful screech that echoes through the night. For the third time she lunges at me, but this time with a knife. I can't go anywhere but down to escape. And down is risky.

I have no time to think. I launch myself off the branch. The world slows as I fall through the air. Smaller branches hit me in the back, but my weight causes them all to snap. The sound of leaves rustle as my body plummets down to the grass below. I smack into one thicker branch that sends my body forward at a new angle. Then it all speeds up as I look down and it's like the ground comes up to hit me in the face. I land heavily on my arm and hip. My head hits the ground with such force that it bounces back up. 

The pain pierces through my skull and spreads down through my spine. My hip and arm radiate with pain and I can't help but let out small shrieks of pain. My body rocks with sobs, the pain almost unbearable.

"Alice!" I hear Brenda call my name from above. I roll onto my back, tears streaming down my cheeks. Above me I see Brenda hanging from the tree branch. "Help me!"

I look up and say nothing. I can't help her.

She's too high up, I can't reach her feet even if I jumped as high as I could. She's going to take the hit, just as I did. I also can't climb up, let alone stand and help her. She's stuck up there by herself. I'm too weak to do anything anymore.

Within a minute of hanging and attempting to climb her way back up, she slips. Her body flies dramatically through the air. I broke the branches when I fell, leaving her a straight drop. I roll over as quickly as I can. When I turn and look, I see her land on her feet. Her ankles and knees crack in a horrific sound, followed by her pained scream. She falls forward, almost landing on me. I expect her to attack me as soon as she gets herself together, but she lies still next to me.

"Brenda?" I ask through a heavy sob.

Brenda lifts her head enough to look me in the eyes. Her eyes are normal again. Tears slide down her face, racing faster than mine. "Alice, you have to do it," she says. Her eyes are pleading. "You have to do it or I'll end up killing you."

"I think we're both dead now," I say. "I can't move."

"I am so sorry," she cries. "It's happening more quickly. It's now or never. Please, Alice, please!"

"I can't," I sob. "I don't know if I can do it."

"Then give me the gun!" she says. I can tell she's changing again. "Do it!" Brenda stretches her hand out to me.

I shake my head. She'll kill me with it if she snaps. And she's about to snap.

"Alice don't be stupid!" she cries. "My legs are broken. I can barely move at all, but I'm sure I'll be able to when I get mad. So please give me the gun or shoot me!"

I scoot back a little ways and pull the gun out from the back of my pants. I can barely see through the tears in my eyes. "I'm so sorry," I cry.

"Don't be sorry," she says. "Thank you, Alice. Thank you." She gives me one last genuine smile, one that brightens up her pretty face even though it's red and blotchy from crying and illness. Then her pupils get large and I aim the gun unsteadily. My hands shake and my breathing is fast.

Just as she said, she snaps into fury mode and crawls after me. She has no pain when she moves. It's not even her. She's no there."

'I want to die me'. I hear her voice in the back of my head. I wait for it. I dodge the attempted blows and wait for her eyes to get smaller.

"Brenda, you're so strong. Thank you for these past few weeks. I'll never forget you."

Her eyes barely change, but her voice does. "Thank you," she whispers one last time.

With that, with her being herself, even for the smallest moment, I aim the gun at her head and pull the trigger.