Untamed (New York Unraveled #1)

Chapter Five.

KAREN.

Just as a single ray of light in a dark room seems brighter than the sun, even a little happiness in gloomy times feels like the world is in your hands.
I knew that maybe Nathan's fond gestures meant nothing more than the fact that he genuinely cared. As a friend. Although friends don't hump each other like wild animals, but it didn't mean that he was in love because he wanted to have sex with me.
Anyhow, it didn't matter at that point of time. The fact that he helped me up when I didn't have the energy to get up on my own, it was more than enough. The fact that he was there was more than enough. He treated me like a little baby, which probably should offend me considering I was twenty six and fending for myself alone, but it felt good.
He dropped me off at the state hospital where my mother was already asleep, having taken her first round of chemotherapy. I asked Nathan if he wanted to come inside. I was sure mom would want to meet him, especially considering the generous amount he had given me for her treatment. He didn't mind coming in with me. He took my hand as we made our way to Room 124.
I didn't look a thing like my mother. Where she was and olive-skinned, dark haired beauty, I had auburn air and eyes so light that they almost looked white in direct sunlight. She was all soft features and pixie looks where I was sharp features and witch looks. I really wished I looked more like her than my 'father'.
"I'll talk to the doctor. You stay with her," Nathan said in my ear.
I smiled at him gratefully. He gave my hand a quick reassuring squeeze and went to find the oncologist treating my mother.
I sat on her beside, stroking her hair. She was already on stage III. The last time the cancer had come up, she had gotten surgery and the tumor was removed. Even though she lost her speech and basic cognitive functions became slower, at least she wasn't at a risk anymore. But even then the doctor had warned that it could come back, and next time it might just not be so benign. And the worst fears had come true.
I thought about trying to call my sister again but there wasn't any point. If she wanted to come, she would have been here already. I'd given her the message about mom's condition. Now it was up to her.
Nathan came back with an old man in a white coat on his trail. I was wondering how a person who looked like he'd come from his own grave could ever treat other people. His face was covered with so many wrinkles; it looked like a bad attempt at coloring by a grade 2 kid. He introduced himself as Dr. Bart.
"He says she is going to need surgery," said Nathan to me in a low voice.
"But... Doctor, you realize this would be her second surgery, right?" I said, trying not to fret.
"It will certainly have its own side effects. But it's imperative," he said in a voice squeakier than I could have given him credit for. But that was probably because of Nathan's presence. He did make people very nervous by his mere existence.
Anyway, he updated me on the implications of both doing and not doing the surgery. Without the surgery, there was no guarantee how long she would last. With the surgery, along with regular chemotherapy and radiotherapy, perhaps she would have two years, maybe even three.
"Okay." I signed some papers to give my consent to the operation. Dr. Bart told me he would prep her up once she wakes up and the procedure would begin.
Nathan put an arm around me once he left and I thankfully snuggled into his side. "She'll be fine," he said, rubbing my shoulder gently.
I didn't say anything. I didn't know what to. What are you supposed to say when you learn that your mother, the only family still left, has only a limited time left up her sleeve?
I told Nathan that he could go home. I was going to stay there the whole night. There wasn't any logic that he should stick around too. But he was adamant on not leaving me alone.
"If you had somebody here, I'd leave you with them. There's no way you're staying a whole night crying to yourself and thinking of all the negative shit in the world," he said with conviction.
"I didn't know you had it in you to be this sweet to a person you just started going out with," I said. I realized it may have sounded a bit rude in retrospect but it was too late to take my words back. And what he said next made me glad I said what I did.
"You've been working with me for months now. You should know I don't do things in halves. If I'm there, then I'm there for the whole ride. I don't know the concept of having one foot in and the other foot out," he said bluntly.
"Okay, wow." I searched for words but my verbal skills seemed to suicide when his eyes got intense like that. So I settled on pulling him down by his tie and kissing him like I'd never kissed anyone before. I put all the emotions, all the admiration, all the affection that I held for him in that one kiss. I didn't give two flying fucks about who saw us. I wrapped my arms around his neck and smashed my lips against his like my life depended on it, like I wouldn't be able to breathe if it wasn't him I was breathing in, like I wouldn't know how to hold myself together if it wasn't he who was holding me.
He caressed my cheeks lovingly. "Hey," he said softly, his dark eyes shining brighter than diamonds.
"Go home. I'll meet you at work tomorrow," I said, leaning my head against his hand.
"Baby-" he started to say.
"I won't feel alone knowing that you're there. But I will feel guilty if you stay."
He gazed at me for a second before nodding unconvincingly. "If you need anything, call me, okay?"
"Okay," I simpered.
I did feel alone after he went though. For the first time, there was an ache inside me for company. Before this, I'd always been consumed enough with work, keeping Rayne in check and checking on mom regularly that I never felt the need to have any deeper connections with more people than I already had. I used to think it would become a sort of a liability for me to maintain a relationship.
But this was way different. He wasn't like any of the men I'd dated so far, who had all turned out to be attention-seeking, self-centered or just plain obnoxious asses. And then there was Nathan; so charming and confident, so contained and dominant, so caring and sweet. He wasn't a liability; he was a strength.

Mom stirred a couple of times at night but didn't wake up. It was starting to scare me because she had been asleep for twelve hours straight by the next morning. I had to call Nathan and tell him I can't come because she was getting prepped for surgery. But she was still sleeping and the whole scenario wasn't looking so sure now.
"It will all be okay. Calm down. Take deep breaths," he had told me.
When the doctor saw how much I was freaking out, he told me to go outside for a walk or go to work perhaps, since I looked pretty stable when Nathan was around the day before. I was about to tell him to shut his trap and shove his fucking opinion up his ass when he sent another person to calmly talk to me.
This other person, who looked like a substitute for a sales manager, explained to me that mom's condition was perfectly normal. The surgery would take about three to five hours so there was no point in wringing myself out in the waiting room. I could rather get some fresh air. Plus, I was starting to scare the families of other patients there. So they would actually throw me out if I didn't go myself.
I pacified myself with an internal pep talk and went home. After taking a much needed shower and wearing a fresh pair of clothes, I decided to go to work. I would see Nathan, which I was hoping would have as much of a soothing effect on me as it had the day before, and working would provide a good distraction from the pessimistic thoughts raging in my head.
He was thankfully not with anybody else so I didn't have to face another awkward apology.
"What are you doing here?" he asked. He hadn't expected me to come. I hadn't expected me to come.
"I was wondering if I could work for a while. Like, around three hours?" I asked hesitantly.
"Are you okay?" he asked, coming around the desk to give me a hug and a chaste peck on the forehead.
"Yeah. I am now." I couldn't help but smile at his instantly caring attitude upon seeing me.
"Good. You can sort out my schedule for me if you want. Everything is haywire since yesterday," he confessed.
"Aww, did you just admit you need me, Mr. Black?" I teased him.
He snorted. "You wish."
I opened his laptop to access the schedule he had for the day. As he had promised, it was a mess. It really was a wonder how he worked this place before I came around.
It was easy to lose myself in organizing, filing and sorting. The fact that my boss loved stealing kisses and poking me or teasing me obviously helped. I don't quite know how to explain this. Being in his presence was exhilarating if he liked you or approvedof you, otherwise it was just shitty nerve wracking. His relaxed posture and easy gait would make you feel comfortable. You would think this man never frowns.
But when he was working? Damn it. He was plain scary. He was demanding, controlling and very, very impatient. If he wanted something, he fucking wanted it and god forbid you failed to get him that something or stand in the way, you might as well start digging your own grave. His glare was withering enough to kill a whole field of sunflowers. But his smile was bright enough to light up a moonless night. He was what Taylor Swift had been talking about in her song- a nightmare dressed like a daydream.
I wished time had moved slower so I didn't have to come back to reality. But my three hours were up and I had to reach the hospital before the surgery got over.
"You'll call me if you need me, okay?" he ordered, leaning against the door to my cabin. There were people waiting for him outside and he was wasting time giving me last minute instructions.
I gave him a sarcastic salute and said, "Yes, sir," before hurrying out. I had only made it as far as my car when I got a call that swiped the earth from under my feet.
"I'm really sorry about your loss," said Dr. Bart.