Ishqana Dil

Part 20

She was waiting at the door when he got back, her eyes accusing. He disregarded it and went inside, feeling a twinge in his heart as he entered the kitchen. No Amaya. Just one cup of tea. A lot of work. Deafening silence, or Uma's nagging.

She burst in behind him. "Where were you? You are usually back home half an hour earlier than this?"

"Don't you have anything else to do? How are your studies going?" he answered levelly, his back to her.

But she strode to him and forced him to turn around before he could put the kettle on boil. "Humaare savaal ka javaab do, Mantu! I asked you first!"

What had gotten into her? Why was she behaving like this? He could not even recognise his childhood friend anymore... He had not really felt this angry at her before, her rudeness and ruthlessness had not irritated him so much but now... Was this really Uma? Or had he changed? Anyway, he had started to have enough of this drama. If she wanted his answers, she would get them. "I went to drop Amaya home."

"Kya?" she looked tremendously stricken, as if he had deceived her. "Mantu tumne vachan diya tha humein!"

He grimaced with disbelief. "Uma, when did I promise you anything?"

Her eyes rounded with rage. "Last night, Mantu! Bhool gaye tum? You had promised me you will stay away from that girl! You had pro-"

"I had not promised you anything at all, Uma!" he had to shout with all his might to shut her up. "I had never promised you anything!" he lowered his voice as she stared at him, shocked. "Remember that well. You had asked for a promise but I had not agreed with you. In the end, I had told you I was going to do it but I never promised it to you." Shaking, he paused and looked at the wall behind her. "I did try to do what you asked of me... But I will be honest with you, it is not possible, Uma... I cannot do this... Keeping myself away from her means death for me, it feels like being alive and dying every moment at the same time. I cannot end a day without looking at her once, without talking to her once, I just cannot!"

Uma kept staring at him, frozen right where she was. And he did feel somewhat guilty for hurting her, for making her feel like her advice did not mean anything to him, but she had to understand too. He loved Amaya. He loved her. It was more, much more, than necessary to be with her. He would never be able to survive one minute if he did what Uma had asked of him. Uma could be his best friend from childhood, but she was not understanding this side of him... Could he blame her though? All of was new to him to begin with. How could he expect her to get it?

"I am sorry, Uma. You must be feeling betrayed but I cannot do this to myself, to my love or to Amaya. I cannot make us give a test of our love because you don't see it. You mean a lot to me, Uma, I care a lot about you, I always have but still... I cannot do this for you... And especially not in a time like this, Uma. Amaya needs me right now. I have to be there for her. I have asked her not to come here to help me for a few days and I will not tell her how I feel for her... at least not now, but I will not give up on her. I cannot do this, Uma... I thought about it a lot last night, it kept me awake and I realised this is not in my power... Call me weak if you want..."

Mantu leaned back against the counter and shrugged helplessly, his eyes burning. "What can I do, Uma? She injures herself, I feel the pain... She has tears in her tears but it's my heart that cries... She smiles and my whole world lights up... If she is not here, nothing else matters, Uma... I could keep living but it would feel worse than death. What do you want me to do with a life like that? You are my friend, Uma, aren't you? Would you be able to see me like that?"

She was looking at him with an unreadable expression, her breaths shallow and fast. "Why? Why do you have to feel so much for her?"

He felt himself smile. "Jaise Sati ki peeda, Shiv ki peeda hai, Uma, vaise hi Amaya ka dard, Abhimanyu ka dard hai... It's hard to explain... It feels like she is a part of me and I am a part of her... It's fine if you don't understand it now. When you will fall in love, you will understand it too." He gave her a small pat on the cheek before turning around to make his tea. She stood there, still for a few minutes, then stormed out.