Ishqana Dil

Part 39

When she saw his face in the mirror, he was smiling. Not a wide, happy smile. Just a small one, as if he was thinking about something. Or someone. There was that far away look in his eyes. He didn't even notice her for a long time. The smile was gone when he turned around but he had that distinct glow on his face. She saw hope in his eyes that wrenched her heart. She would have to crush it somehow...

"What are you doing here?" Mantu asked. "You are not ready yet? What-"

She ground her teeth together. "Aur tum bohot saj-dhaj ke jaa raho. Achhe lag rahe ho."

He flashed a boyish grin at her briefly. "Nahin, hum toh bas-"

"You are going to get your own heart broken."

Confusion made him frown. "Uma-"

"Hum tumhein bachpan se jaante hain, Mantu. I can look at your face and know what you are thinking. Tumhein kya lagta hai? Just because she helped Chiklu organise a party for your birthday, she loves you? Have you lost your mind? Voh ladki tumse pyaar nahin karti, Mantu, sirf istemaal kar rahi hai tumhaara!" She was shaking so much she had to grip her skirt tight, and he was starting to get angry. She could understand why and he would understand one day too, wouldn't he? She could not lose him. not to anyone.

"Bas, Uma," he said calmly, but he moved away to fiddle with Chiklu's books that lay in disorder on the table so he would not look at her. "Amaya ke baare mein aisa mat bolo."

She grabbed his arm and turned him towards her but he obstinately stared at the table. "It hurts you to hear the truth? Lekin sach jaanna bhi toh zaroori hai, na? Yeh bade sheher ki ladkiyaan aisi hi hoti hain, Mantu! how many times do I have to tell you this? You are not the kind of boy she will love. You are just the type she will use for her own betterment. She will take your help, not your love."

"Uma!" His voice had gotten louder. His eyes burned with fury. "I don't want to fight with you right now. Go away."

"I will not! Do you want me to stand there and watch while she breaks your heart and shatters your self-esteem?"

He shook her hand off. "Amaya will not break my heart. She will not shatter my self-esteem. And even if she does, Uma, I am a grown up man. I can take care of myself. But I know she won't do anything like that. Because she loves me too."

She scoffed. "Achha? Itna vishwaas hai tumhein? Tell me, Mantu, on what basis do you trust your love so much? Has she told you she loves you?"

He shook his head bitterly. "You know, Uma, maybe you will never understand this. You don't even try to. Love is not something you put in words. Even if you do... it will never be enough to say what you mean, what you feel... Amaya doesn't need to tell me she loves me. Whatever she says to me, do you think it means more than what I can see in her eyes and her actions? I have tried to make you see but you just don't see, Uma! She has changed and she loves me! You cannot see that and you made me doubt it too. Because of you, I doubted her and I remained silent for too long but not anymore. Tonight, I will tell Amaya I love her."

He started to leave and her stomach lurched painfully. "Mantu!" He halted but kept his back to her. "If our friendship means anything to you, you will not go there tonight."

"If our friendship means anything to you, Uma," he replied, "you will not stop me."

***

"Mera toh sar chakhra raha hai," she muttered, groaning with relief as she grabbed the ice cubes and pressed them to her eyes. "Oh god... my eyes..."