Transparent ¤ Phan

Chapter One

Dan's POV

Today is the day. The day I had been dreading for months now. The day that Phil, my flatmate, was forcing me to finally make happen. The day where i had to finally come out to my fans. I could feel my heart racing inside of my chest, taking a couple of deep breaths before hitting the record button on my camera.

"Hello internet! It is I, Daniel Howell, as all of you know. Today, we're going to talk about something really important to me. This has taken me years to come to terms with, and all I ask is that you guys stay open minded and support me in this." I took another slow, deep breath in, knowing i couldnt hold back any longer.

"I am Transgender."

...

-Years previously-

My eyes opened as i heard the loud beeping of my alarm going off. I wanted so badly to close them once again and fall back asleep, knowing that if i didn't I'd have to go outside and face the world. After a couple of minutes of trying to force myself back to sleep, but unfortunately not being able to, i heard my mother calling out to me.

"Danika! you need to get up!" her voice roared down the hall and into my ears. I groaned loudly, wanting to correct her, to say that wasn't my name, but I couldn't start the day off badly. I forced myself to sit up, running my hands through my dark brown hair. I looked over to my mirror, only glancing at it for a moment. I couldn't look at myself, not like this. 

I soon forced myself out of my bed and onto the floor, adjusting my boxers the way i normally would when i first stood up. They wouldn't cooperate the way i wanted them to; I silently cursed my female hips. I walked over to my closet, reaching in and grabbing my binder. I slipped it over my form, adjusting it until i was sure i was flat.

After that, I pulled on the rest of my outfit, including a black MCR shirt, some dark blue skinny jeans, and white vans. I adjusted everything one last time, feeling a hint of a smile tugging on my lips as i looked over my reflection. "Danika!" My mother once again called out.

I groaned again, reluctantly walking out of the room and down the hallway to the kitchen. "It's Dan." i mumbled as she looked up to me. "Of course it is, sweetie. Now come eat." She smiled up to me. I let out a sigh, sitting down in front of a plate filled with eggs and toast. I ate about half before deciding i was through, and threw the rest out.

'This really is my life now. Correcting my own mother on my name, having to wear that constrictive piece of shit over my chest.. This is a living hell."

"Dankia, are you ready?" My mom asked from the hall. I had been too busy with my own thoughts to hear her, so I didn't respond at first. She repeated herself, which I heard. "Yeah.. Yeah. I'm ready mum." I nodded slowly.

We walked together towards the door, then outside and to our car. Yes, My mum was driving me. Now, don't get me wrong, I have my license, I just have a fear of driving. That normally results in me either walking everywhere, or having to get rides from my friends or ride along with my mom. Both are equally horrendous through my eyes.

"When are you going to get over this?" I heard my mothers voice break the silence of the car. I processed what she said for a couple of moments before responding. "What? My fear of driving?"  i laughed awkwardly, shaking my head. "Never."

"Not that Dankia. This whole 'Danl' thing.." She spoke softly, her voice practically dripping with sadness. I felt my chest grow even tighter than it already was, not knowing how to explain that i wasn't ever going to. "Mum.." I whispered, my own voice growing softer than normal. "I won't." I finally said.

"But sweetie, this isn't how i raised you, you know that." She glanced over to me, her eyes soft and welcoming. "I know it isn't mum, you didn't raise me as a male, It's just who I am." I mumbled. "There is no way for me to 'get over' something that is me. I am Daniel, that's who I am. I'm still your child, you're still my mother. Nothing about our relationship will change." I could tell she was on the edge of crying, that this conversation wasn't what she wanted to hear.  

"I...I'm sorry." I whispered before everything fell silent. We continued our drive, eventually ending up at our destination. Once there, I almost jumped from the car  and dashed inside of the small flat building. I caught my breath quickly, then walked down the hall and to my best friends door.

"Hey, Phil." I spoke softly as I knocked on the door. I heard some shuffling before the blue eyed male opened the door and welcomed me inside of his home. "Hey, Dan." he chuckled, fixing his shirt before moving out of the doorway so I could enter.

"How ya been?" He asked as we sat down on the couch together, as far apart as physically possible. "Had some bad days at school, That's all." I lied. I knew he could tell something was up, but I couldn't tell him.

As far as Phil knew, I was just another cisgendered British guy who made youtube videos and hated social interaction. Although, that wasn't nearly the whole truth. I do make youtube videos and I do hate social interaction, but what Phil doesn't know is that I'm Transgender. I identify and live as a male, even though I was born a female. It's not that strange when you think about it.

"Are you sure that's all?" Phil asked, his blue eyes grazing mine for a second. "I'm sure." I responded, trying to sound as confident as I possibly could manage. Finally a sigh escaped Phil's lips, and I knew he'd give up. "Alright." He mumbled before reaching over and grabbing the remote from coffee table.

"So.." He spoke softly, trying to break the awkward silence that was taking over the room. "So." I repeated with an awkward chuckle. "Want to play Mario Cart?" He asked with a smirk.

After hours of playing Mario Cart at Phil's, My mom was there to pick me up. We didn't speak a word to each other the entire ride home, only sitting in the silence of the car. Once we returned home, i recorded part of my newest video idea, then deleted the entire video after i decided it was a stupid idea, then struggled with taking off my binder and eventually ended up going to bed. Another day in the life of a Transgender male.

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A/N: Hey guys! I really hope you all enjoyed chapter one of this new PHANfic that i've started! I'll try to be active on all my stories, but i can't really promise anything! Best regards,

Oliver