On The Edge of Insane

Chapter One: This Distaster I Call My Life

  I straightened the last strand of hair that I needed to. Finally, I've got that out of the way. I took out my favorite Guess skinny jeans. The fabric felt so soft against my fingers and they felt so comfortable to walk around in. I threw them on & picked out a cute white & blue striped top I got last weekend from Forever 21. I chose these plain black flats and placed them on my feet. I stood in front of the mirror. I pushed my shoulders back and stood up straight & gave the fakest smile that I could as my glossy lipgloss shined from the sun coming through the window. Why do I even bother? It's not like I'm "popular" anymore. It's not like I'm the center of attention any longer. It's not like I have any friends. No one even talks to me. Except for one boy. His name is Nathan Collins. He's always asking me out or if we can hang out in lunch or whatever, but I'm honestly not intrested. I know. I seem bitter and like the biggest bitch you've ever met. It's just that I'm afraid. I had "friends" before when I was popular. & they just threw me to the curve from one day to the next. I don't want that to happen. I trust no one. No one. Even though this loneliness is slowly killing me inside & making me bleed I refuse to let anyone in. & what I mean anyone I mean anyone. I don't care who they are. My chocolate brown eyes started shedding cold tears. My fake smile disappeared. I turned on the sink and took off my lipgloss. I put my hair up in a messy ponytail & let my bangs fall. I threw on a black hoodie and zipped up. I changed my shoes & put on my black vans instead. I made my way to my bed to pick up my orange jansport bookbag and threw it over one shoulder. I slowly made my way downstairs & took out a smores pop tart from the toaster and ate it as I made my way out of the house. I had to go to the bus stop. To make things any worse my car started acting up so I'll have to take the bus until I get it fixed. The nasty yellow colored bus pulled up & I made my way inside & went all the way to the back. I sat down & placed my bookbag next to me so that no one can sit next to me. There were only 5 people in here. I took out my blue iPod nano & chose the song "The Drug In Me Is You" by Falling In Reverse. It's not easy being popular. At all. I should know. You where forced to like the things you hated do the things you didn't want to & sometimes become friends with other people that are friends with your friends because if you don't then things are gonna get dramatic. I did it all, & I would've never, ever seen the day where I just get kicked out of the group. I'm going to be honest, it really hurt. It did. & I'm trying to figure out who I really am. I wasn't able to be myself when I was with them. I was forced to listen & pretend to like mainstream music. I had to know the lyrics to Katy Perry songs & Lady Gaga, Beyonce, Nicki Minaj, & I really hated it. If I ever told anyone I had a secret obsession over Andy Sixx & Ronnie Radke that would've for sure cut the things between me & them. I had to wear pink, & mini skirts, & tight dresses. & I hate pink, mini skirts annoyed me & the tight dresses were the most uncomfortable thing ever. I had to go to parties every weekend even though sometimes I just felt like lying in bed & watching repeats of The Hard Times of RJ Berger. There sure as hell were the fakest & most annyoing girls I've ever met that I had to pretend that I liked. More like loved. If I ever dared to do anything to my hair but leave it down they would act as if I'd just killed a person. In some ways I'm happy that they cut me out of the picture but in other ways I'm depressed about it. Like--- Seeing who came in the bus distracted me from my thoughts. Nathan Collins walked inside. God why must you do this to me?He had jet black hair & it reached a little longer than where his chin was. The ends looked like knives, & he has hazel eyes & a black lip piercing on the right of his lip. He had a grey t-shirt & dark blue skinny jeans they were just a little low & you could see his black & white belt. He had black beat up converse & a whole bunch of rubber band bracelets with different band names on each one. He had his plain black jansport bookbag over his left shoulder & he was listening to his iPod. I put my hoddie on before he had the chance to see me. Then I turned my head & looked out of the window & covered one side of my face with my hand. I felt him stop in the row I was in & he sat down on the other seat. I sighed & uncovered my face, then I looked straight ahead, I felt his eyes staring at me, I rolled my eyes. Why doesn't he just give up? I saw him smirk a little from the corner of my eye. Owl City started blasting through my ears, I turned my iPod back on so I could change the song. I kept scrolling down till I found one I was in the modd for. "Fences by Paramore". After a while I heard Nathan saying something to me "So I didn't know you took the bus." his voice was some-what deep. "Just started." I replied. "So umm..." here we go again... "... I was wondering if you wanna like have lunch together or som--" I interrupted him, "I honestly don't know how many times you have to ask me & how many time I'm going to have to keep saying no so that you can finally realize that that'll be the only answer you'll get." The bus was getting close to school. "Listen. The only reason I've been asking you is because ever since you stopped hanging out with your possy or whatever, you've been alone for a while now. I just wanted to know if you wanted to hang out." he answered. "No, you've been asking me because you like me." I said, now getting pissed off. " I've been asking because I feel bad for you, it must suck to always be alone. Please get over yourself & stop thinking that every guy has a crush on you." he snapped back at me. He stood up & got off the bus once the doors opened. I sat there for a while. Waiting for most of the people to get out. I slowly got up. Hell, here I come.