the memory mixtape ❀ n.g

a sky full of stars ↠ 01

*listen to the noelle version, it works with the chapter so much better,,,*

noa༄°

the black dress lay elegantly on my thigh, paired with the unusual heeled pumps. the material smoothed out under my own light touch. a small drizzle padded on the windows, as i mentally prepared myself. last night i waited up, expectantly waiting for his call- his voice frantic sorry for this unbearable pain forced into my heart. but he never called.

a soft knock creaked across the old wooden door. the copper door knob twisted revealing jack, his black tuxedo perfectly shaped on his body. "morning no, you look beautiful." he smiles warmly. i silently thank him, jack guides me to the car helping me into the front. the car ride was fast, too fast for my connivence. the ground was slightly damp, my heels slowly drowning in the dirt. people gathered around the large coffin, decorated and surrounded by extravagant bouquets and cards. "noa, what's wrong?" jack asks. my feet were frozen, i shook my head covering my lips with my hand. "i can't do it!" my voice sadly cracks. jack's features soften "it's okay, i'm here." he assured taking my hand.

elizabeth, hayes, skylynn and chad were huddled in a tiny group. she turns my way and smiles "noa," she wraps her arms around me in a tight embrace.  her mascara already flowing onto the skin of my shoulders but it didn't matter how i looked, it was our time to grieve.

"skylynn!" i smile at the little girl. her hazel eyes were glossy, and her porcelain lips were turned into a frown.
the priest stands to the podium, flashing a sympathetic smile to everyone. we all took our seats as the ceremony began.

***

"oh my god," elizabeth sniffles. nash's body laid lifeless in the casket, now useless to humanity. they closed it, lowering him into the ground. "no!" skylynn screams, i take her small body in my arms hugging her tightly, along with hayes. all of us a mess, jack took my hand- stroking my knuckles a cute gesture. my heart pounded with a throbbing pain. the tears faded down my cheeks, how could he leave me?

"now for the last eulogy, i would like to call up his wonderful girlfriend- noa," chad smiles lightly as i walk toward the podium. the loose-leaf paper crinkled tightly in my finger tips, but through the tears all of the sad smiles, were just a blur.

so instead of reading word for word off a crippled note, barely even a paragraph- i spoke from the thoughts whirling in my heart. "nash, was an amazing person, who i loved- still love. i could possibly never put as much admiration and passion into another relationship. our relationship wasn't considered normal- not that normal is a thing, it just wasn't common."
i take an unsteady breathe, "not many couples stay up until three in the morning talking about eleven; eleven wishes, or the ones that drive out at dawn because of the slightest craving of tacos. standing here now, i realize that he was sad. he told me in his suicide note; that i couldn't have saved him."

"i couldn't be his lifesaver, nobody could. but he says i showed him the beauty of life, such an intricate concept i still haven't figured out and won't for a long time. we are just tiny little specs in humanity, because there's still the earth, space and the galaxy- nothing can revolve around a certain someone, but our lives depended on it. i give my biggest condolences to the grier family, whom i have grown to love. and as for you nash.." my eyes contacted the skies grey clouds, ruffling with light rain drops.

"i love you so much, i hope you were finally granted your eternal happiness." the small speech had ended, my heels sunk into the dark mud as i walked. the rain began to fall harder, the winds growing colder. wet strands stuck to my cheeks as jack grabbed my hand, pulling me toward the car.

"hold on," i paused- my heels dug into the ground as i turned, "sky!" she looks over and starts to run. "noa!" she breathes grabbing onto my legs. "i just wanted to say goodbye okay? be a good girl." i brushed the hair out of her face. "come back soon?" she asks and i nod. "i'll be back soon, i'm not gonna leave. promise" her lips curl into a cute little smile that nash would have adored.

hayes comes to collect skylynn, allowing me to leave with jack. he immediately turned on the heating when i stepped into the car listening to my shivers. the warmth radiated my body, "want to get some coffee?" i simply nod. the small coffee shop used to be our favorite place. the modern vintage like shop had the most amazing atmosphere.

a new boy stood behind the counter instead of the usual; lauryn. his dark brown hair curly and tousled, as he focused on drying the coffee mug with a raggedy old cloth.

"um hi," i smile standing in front of him the mahogany counter setting a barrier between us. "hey, what can i get you?" his light dimples indenting in his cheeks. "just a small hot chocolate," he smiles, before yelling back my order to a few other workers. "so what is a pretty girl like you doing, crying?" he questions frowning at the damp mascara smeared around my cheeks.

"my boyfriends funeral was today," his caramel eyes widened, as he sets the hot chocolate in front of me. the heat radiates from the cup sending a warm rush through my freezing hands.
"i'm so sorry,"

"don't be, i came to his favorite place for the sake of today, and i met somebody new."

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ew this ending is horrible dnjfjfkckdkk. tbh i think im getting sick bc my best friend may or may not have a cold so props to my bff for giving me her virus
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- YA FAV AKA MAKAYLAA