I needed you.

I'm Done

Justin Bieber's POV

*Flashback*

May 19, 2013

I was chosen for the milestone award at the billboard music awards. Once I stood up to receive my award the crowd erupted... but not as I would have hoped they would. They were booing. well there was a few people in the crowd who were my beliebers and were cheering for me but most of the people were booing. It honestly crushed my happiness for winning the award.

"I'm 19 years old... I'm 19 years old," I started to said through the cheers and boos coming from the crowd. A million questions run through my head. But the one main one is what did I possibly do in order to receive all this negativity? "I think I'm doing a pretty good job." I was quiet again waiting for the booing to stop. But it didn't.

For the first time in my life I just wanted to get off the stage as fast as possible. I wanted the booing to stop. I quickly finished up with, "And basically, from my heart I really just want to say, it should really be about the music. It should be about the craft that I'm making, and... this is not a gimmick, this is not a gimmick. I'm an artist, and I should be taken seriously. All this other bull should not be spoken of." I said. I went down my list to thank all the people who have believed in me since the very beginning.

I quickly exited the stage and made it look like the booing didn't phase me. At least I tried, I don't know if it actually worked. I was crushed. This, being booed at an award show, was the worst feeling in the world. And I never want it to happen again. 

*End Flashback*

That was last year. I got booed off the stage. The Justin Bieber got booed off the stage. That was one of the biggest moments in my life that changed my life from being great to being sad and depressed. I didn't want to live after that moment in time. Or any other moment after that happened actually.

I am now in my condo in Miami, Florida. I was in my bedroom with the door locked like always, going through different tweets on twitter. Most tweets were from my faithful beliebers saying some cute things like "I LOVE YOU JUSTIN!!!!" or "I wish I could meet you...." or "Thank you for saving my life time and time again." That is normally what most of my beliebers post on twitter. They are honestly wonderful and I love having them in my corner. My movie Believe came out for them on Christmas Day in 2013. I believe that they enjoyed it. But when it came out I was in my depressive state of mind so I was faking a smile at the premieres. I'm shocked because some of the time, when I seen how happy my beliebers were I smiled my real smile that I haven't smiled in a while. But it never lasted that long.

But.... when you're famous when you have fans... you also get the haters... And their words can hurt like hell. Everyone knows that I have gotten into a lot of trouble. Yes I was in jail, yes I did smile in my mug shot, but I wanted my beliebers to know that I am not going to let going to jail break me. As my depression got worst and worst I kept losing beliebers. Some of them turned into the haters and started to post hurtful things to me. I couldn't understand why tho. I was a stupid teenage boy. Almost all teenagers get into trouble sometime in their life. The only difference was that my mistakes were on camera for everyone to see so that they can judge me.

I kept scrolling through my tweets that people sent me. Some of them are really hurtful...
"Hey Bieber, why don't you do us all a favor and go die in a hole?"
"Nobody likes you. You can't sing or dance or rap. Just stop."
"Go Kill Yourself."

I don't know what is going through these peoples minds but their words are tearing me apart from the inside out. I wonder if this is what normal people with depression feel like. I guess I will never know.

I press the button to start a new tweet. "I love u guys. And I would do anything for u guys. But I'm going to retire and go back to Canada. I'm sorry. Keep your heads up high! #illalwaysrememberyou"
I pressed 'tweet' and put my phone down.

I go into my personal bathroom and open the medicine cabinet. I remove four bottles of pills that I need to "stay healthy" (according to doctors) to get to what's behind the bottles. One of the bottles that I moved was my antidepressants. I have never opened it because I don't feel like I need them. I grab the shiny bright object and smile at it. Yes I know I told my fans not to do this but it's honestly the only thing that I can think of right now. I already said my goodbyes and so what's stopping me???

"Justin? Sweetie can I talk to you?" I heard my mother say.

I breathed in deeply and said "Yea sure just give me a second." She's the only reason why I wouldn't try to kill myself. My mother has given up so much for me that I couldn't hurt her in that way.

Did you ever wonder why I have so many tattoos? Besides the fact that I like them? It's to hide the pain. It's to hide the scars away from my beliebers and from my mother. It would hurt her too much.

I opened up the bathroom door and went to my mother who was looking down. "What is it mom? Are you okay?"

"Your father was here... He's drunk and saw your tweet... He wants to know why you want to stop your career.? I don't care. It is your choice and you don't have to tell me but your dad will be another story... I made him leave but you will have to talk to him sooner or later."

Ugh. Jeremy. I hate him. I know he's my dad and all but he never came around until I got famous. He would only come around for holidays and my birthday. And even then he would almost always be intoxicated or drunk. He would always start an argument with my mother. He's part of the reason why I got into all the drugs. I say part cause the other part is my fault. I should've said no.. But I didn't cause I didn't want to live. I still don't want to live.

"I'll talk to him when we get back home. Right now can we just pack up and get out of here? Please?"

"Sure thing dear." She said as she go up. "I'll be up shortly to help you." I nodded as my mom left.

I looked at my phone and a ton of fans were sad to here about me retiring but I can't deal with this anymore. I also got a text message from my dad.

Dad -.-:
"Look you little bitch. You better tell the world you're not done and that you were kidding. I need the fucking money and you are going to support me. I have two other children to support and your money will help me with that! You have three hours before I come there and beat you til you do."

Of course he's drunk so he always threatens me. "Hey mom, we might want to leave within the next few hours." I yelled down the stairs.

I grabbed my book bag and put my laptop in it, my cords I needed, and some clothes. But I already have a ton of clothes in Canada so I just packed my favorite shirts and that's it. I closed up my bag and opened up another pocket. I grabbed my medicine that I needed and my knife and stuffed it in my bag.

"Mom." I called walking down the steps with my bag on my back. "I'm done. I don't need anything else right now."

"Okay sweetheart." She said softly. She was still looking down so I couldn't see her face. "I'm all packed so we can leave whenever you want."

"Okay then we can leave now.... If you don't mind." I asked.

She nodded and kept her head down. "Can you take the bags to the car please and then we can go to the airport." I followed her directions and put all the bags in the car.

I walked back in and my mom was on the phone with someone. "Hey mom, we are coming home. Do you want to have dinner together tonight?" She asked her voice shaky. Grandma and grandpa... It'll be nice to see them.

"Umm mom. We are ready to go." I interrupted. I know it's not proper but still I wanted to get the he'll out of there before Jeremy came back. My mom looked up at me with tears rolling down her face and a black eye.

She put up one figure and said "Go wait in the car, Justin." I just froze there.

Where the fuck did she get it? How the fuck did she get it? I swear to God if my stupid father did this I will beat the living shit out of him.