I needed you.

Pathetic

Justin's POV

"Justin. What are you doing?" I heard from behind. No. It couldn't be. It sounded like... Jake. My best friend. I must be going crazy. I shove the scissors back in my pocket and rolled down my sleeve as I turned around. I couldn't believe my eyes. I thought I seen Jake standing there. I rubbed my eyes to make sure and realized nothing was there. My mind was playing trick's on me... Again.

"Justin are you ready yet?" Skylar came up to me. "Its getting late. And I kinda need to get home. Especially if the school called my parents." I nodded and just walked over to the car. As we we're walking Skylar asked "Are you okay?"

Again I was just quiet. Not that I wanted to ignore her. Its just how am I suppose to tell her I'm not? Its easier to just say yes. I got into the drivers side and started up the engine. "I don't know sky. I wish I could say yes. But I cant." I turn on the radio and it is some song from Ed Sheern. I turned it off and put on Skillet on spotify. The song Angels Fall Down came on. I started to sing along with the words. Skylar looked at me like there was something wrong with me. We rode around until the song was over and then I dropped Sky off at her house, we said our good byes and she told me she would text me later. I nodded and drove off to drive around a bit. The cuts I made earlier had already stopped bleeding so I didn't need to get home in a hurry. I still had Skillet playing in the car even about an hour and a half later. I just could not go home. I could not stop driving. I could not stop thinking. I wanted to stop thinking. I wanted to stop thinking about my stupid father. I wish it would all just stop.

The song Stars came. It was about people giving up their hearts up to God and he'll take care of you. Of course I believe in God. But I'm mad at him.... I've been mad at him for awhile now. I wish I wasn't, its just first the crash and he takes Jake from us. Then he takes Avalana. Then Selena and I were fighting a lot and so we broke up. I got into so much trouble because of my father. God could have stopped all of that from happening. He can stop my father from what he does now to my mother and I. But he doesn't. He just lets it happen...

I finally come to a stop. I look at my surroundings and realize I am in front of Kari's house. Most of the lights are on. I heard shouting in the house and Kari screaming and crying. I turned off my car and went around the house and climbed up the tree to her room. I only know where her room was because when we were kids we always hung out here with Jake. It was just Jake, Kari, and I and we were the bestest friends. Luckily the window was open so I climbed right through and sat on her bed her door was already closed so I'm ok.

Her room has changed a lot since last time I was here which was about 3-4 years ago because I didn't have time. I would always be on the road or making new music. Back then she had baby blue walls and princess posters. She never could figure out which princess was her favorite whether it was Ariel or Bell. I remember she had a pink poster on the back of her door Cinderella in the middle of the poster and Bell and Ariel were on either side. I believe it was Ariel on the left and Bell was on the right. And she hated Cinderella and so she scribbled out Cinderella and kept the posters. She also used to have pictures from Chuck e cheese in the room near her closet. They were pictures of Jake and I or Jake and Kari or Kari and I or all three of us. She was happy back then.

But something happened when she was in eighth grade and then all of the sudden the smile was gone. I bet that's when she changed her room. I look around the room and I see black walls and painted on it is one bold word in white. It was a painful word. "Pathetic"... I look around the rest of the room and there were Black Veil Brides posters and Skillet. And then the was a poster that said "fake smiling is easier". I looked more and the more I look the more I didn't want to be in there anymore. On the wall there was the word hope with a semicolon after it but was x-ed out. And beside it, it said I'm fine. But if you look at it a certain was it says save me... I look at the items in her room and one if them caught my attention. It was the guitar Jake and I bought for Kari on her 12 birthday. We knew how much she loved musical and we knew how much she wanted to make her own music. She is a wonderful singer I know that for sure. But I don't know if she would ever try and go famous or anything.