Sometimes I just need you.

Rainbow Reflections

Looking into the mirror like surface I sit down and glance at my reflection. I feel the warm water ball as it slides down my cheeks as if it was going down a ski slope. My red eyes trace the drop until it reaches the once stilled water causing a ripple. The ripples spread farther and farther causing rings on the waters surface. Disturbing the water, but not the peace. I hear the familiar noise, having a sound almost like a horse galloping through the streets, and then I feel the little wet droplets as they burst on my shoulders. Looking back at my now disfigured reflection I begin to let my thoughts run free.  It must just be me feeling this way, no one could possibly understand, not even him. It wasn't supposed to happen like this and it's all my fault. I'm his partner, I'm supposed to have his back, but my emotions from the night before got in the way. And there's my 10, the great big 10. Our thing. Our thing full of metaphors, some about raccoons, others about boxes and knives. Could it have been more than this partnership? Or would we have sunk like the titanic?We will never know. All because of my mistakes. I hit the ground with my fist and change my sitting position to a laying one and raise my head to the sky and see a rainbow. The corner of my lips twitch into a small smile. It's a sign from him, I just know it. I look at my old dollar store watch and see its quarter till five. I pick my self off the freshly mowed grass and trudge along the mud on my way home. Letting the constant rain fall on me in a rhythm like one of a beating heart. A beating heart... like his isn't. I sigh and continue through the mud on my way home knowing these next few weeks are going to be tough. But Deeks wouldn't want me to be like this. He wouldn't want me moping around and crying all day thinking about the 'what if's?'. He would want me to remember his charming personality, his laugh, and our memories. Not the fact that he isn't here with me any longer.