RU POV
Pain,sadness,anger,sorrow,stupidity....................
Nothing could express how I feel right now,he actually had the nerve to cheat on me on the same night that he revealed to me something that could change my perspective to him forever and in an unpleasing way,he used me literally how much lower can he get?,I don't care if Sammy lied to me before and I shouldn't believe him this time but at this moment all what he said does make sense ,and ,maybe he was at that time when he told me that gilinsky went on a vacation with his family and to reunite with his ex,I mean even though gilinsky denied it before but after what Sammy just said now everything makes sense it's all proven and the shock look on gilinsky face says it all,it doesn't look like he's gonna deny it ,this is something he can't get away with ,I mean his hair ,his mouth,his neck everything that Sammy said was true and there's no reason for all this to happen except if he is cheating on me ,although I believe everything that Sammy said right now,I'm still suspected from one thing,what the hell does he mean by saying that "she's mine" like he's been ignoring me for days,they're all using me and I don't even know if I can trust Shawn that easy what if he also gets advantage of being sweet toward me,I should expect everything from everyone,I don't belong here with them I just don't fit in,this is a very harsh world and there's no reason that can make me stay much longer in this planet,while everyone here is waiting for a reply from me after what Sammy just assumed about gilinsky ,I ran to my room and locked the door and let my tears run freely,I finally made my decision ,I'll leave this world ,I decided to write Johnson a letter first,after all he is the only one who's been real and nice to me,he never used me and he never treated me except like a close sister ,even when sometimes I was totally rude and I snap on him he never snap back he was always sweet holding his genuine smile on his face and he never failed to make me crack a smile or Burst into laughing so hard till my stomach ache whenever I'm sad,I don't want to leave him but leaving this world is for the best I'm sure he's gonna understand what I mean.
DEAREST JACK EDWARD JOHNSON
Once you found this letter ,I'll probably be gone already but I want you to know that I'm so grateful that I get to spend a lot of beautiful days with you and I appreciate all the effort you do to make me happy,thank you for sticking with me through thick and thin,in my happy and sad times,in my success and in my failure,thank you for always trying your best to make me feel like I'm not missing everything and that I have the whole world in my hands ,I owe you a lot for helping me through my hard time and I also wanna say that I'm so sorry if I made you feel lost,sad,miserable,broken hearted,confused,suspicious,worried or anything not good and I was the reason or the main cause of it,I truly don't mean it at all ,I'm sorry I had to leave you here but please understand my situation ,I couldn't keep on moving on,everything is too much and I break my limit ,I'm tired of having to wear a fake smile everyday and to drown my face in make up everyday so no one could see my eyes which are already swollen from crying,I feel that my heart was picked from its place and thrown on a corner of a dark,creepy ,full of malice and hatred monsters ,I feel like it already shattered especially by the closest people to me,no one could understand me and if I tried to explain no word could express the pain that I'm struggling with,I'm trying my best to help everyone and be their right when they feel wrong and be the cause of their happiness but I can't do my best even if I tried because I do need somebody to lean on ,I need a hand to pick me up ,I need an arm to hold me tight or else I'll fall apart,it's obvious that I'm just another girl to gilinsky and I'm not something special,gilinsky is just trying to use me then dump me like a trash can just like all the other girls before me that he probably acted the same with them and tricked them with sweet words and made them feel happy and wanted ,and then make them desperate and sad and I honestly I don't think I can handle heartbreaks Anymore,I'm still not over what happened and what he confessed to me last night about him murdering half of my heart,and I can't live with half a heart ,I thought he would fulfill that place but it looks like instead of he filling the missing hole ,he took the other half and break it,I love gilinsky so much and I wish him the best,I know he didn't mean all of this but please do me a favor and hand him to justice let him get his punishment so he could live with his conscience relieved,I saw the look he had when he told me ,he looked as if he wanted to kill him self from the amount of guilt that is eating him alive,as of Sammy please inform him that I love him and I forgive him about everything and I wish you all the best luck in music and everything that you guys are willing to accomplish ,please don't feel bad for me ,you guys mean a lot to me and I love you guys so much that I would give an arm for,not an expression no literally give an arm for ,cuz I know that you guys are my heart and I'm your armour and I would destroy anyone who would try to harm you,but suddenly karma happens and everything that I stranded for turned on me to spite me and what happens when the person who was once my hero becomes the main source of my pain ,even thought all of this bad things happened you guys still have a big place in my heart,and when I'm gone just carry on don't mourn rejoice everytime you hear the sound of my voice,just know that I'm looking down at you smiling and I didn't feel a thing so please don't feel my pain just smile back
Love you guys
Ru
I folded the letter and placed it on my bed stand and went to the toilet and opened the cabinet to grab the pills ,I guess that's it,I sat on the bath tub and swallowed a handful amount of pills and waited till everything ends,I will miss them for sure,I'm glad I got the chance to meet Sam and Johnson and to go to digi tour with them,as of gilinsky I do love him as crazy as a maniac,he did supported me in my rough time and tried his best to make me pleased but I guess that
He might be my savior,but at the end you couldn't save me.
AND THATS A WRAP FOR THE STORY HOPE YOU GUYS LOVED IT,ILL NE POSTING AN EPILOGUE ON FRIDAY AND ILL TRY TO MAKE A MAJOR EDITING TO THIS STORY ,THANK YOU ALL FOR READING ,LOVE YOU GUYS
