Writing About Blue Eyes -Phan-

Chapter 13

Dan's POV

I had called my publisher simply to push back the release date. It was still for a while yet so I thought it wouldn't have even been a question. When they so quickly asserted their power I could feel myself crumbling. I needed to love my job, they couldn't take that away from me. It was so lucky that Phil showed up when he did. If he hadn't I might have done something I would regret. Instead I felt confident that I could begin work on finding a new publisher, one that would treat me better. Maybe I could even find one in a big city. I know I couldn't move there to work because Phil's here, but it'd be nice to travel there occasionally. It had been so hard to do all the business over the phone anyways.

Still, while we had hung out for the rest of the night Phil seemed more distant than normal. I didn't know if it was something I had done or not but it was so out of character for him to not talk about what was bothering him. I mean he had even been able to talk about his grandmother. Why couldn't he tell me this?

When we woke up the next morning, Phil practically ran off to work. I asked if he wanted to go exploring in the woods the next day, I had a place I wanted to show him, and he distractedly agreed. So I just waved my goodbyes from the front door and watched fondly as he went off. God I loved him so much. I just hoped he told me what was wrong soon. It was always so much easier to deal with our problems together.

Once he left, I let myself to work on the story I was now allowed to work on. Or I guess not quite allowed to work on, but at least I didn't feel guilty about doing the things that made me happy anymore. It was shaping up to be quite a romantic story, which was something I wasn't used to. Normally in my writing something happened and the main character wasn't able to stay with the guy. But I couldn't write a sad ending for the blue eyed boy whose pale skin and dark hair were endless contrasts.

After I was done writing for the day, I went to check my email like normal. Only what was there was so far from expected.

Dear Daniel,

I know this might seem out of the blue but I was wondering if you'd like to join us for Christmas this year. Grandma and Grandpa are coming this year if that affects your decision. I know you normally don't like to come but I thought I'd give you a few months to think about it. I hope you know you're always welcome.

Love,

Mum

Since when did she send such nice messages? It sounded quite lovely actually and I would like to go. The end of her message was the most surprising part. I had thought they wouldn't want me there anymore after I had practically ran away from the family a few years ago. There could be some alternate reason behind it but I was pretty sure she was just being nice. She probably had been nice the whole time and I had just been too much of a much of a brat to realise that she was trying her best. Either that or spending so much time with Phil had made me start to see the best in people rather than the worst.

Dear Mum,

I'd love to visit at Christmas. Maybe you could even meet my boyfriend. I'll try to call more often.

Love,

Dan

It was a simple enough reply, but I felt so much better even after just sending it. Maybe I could still have a chance at some sort of relationship with my parents. It felt worth it to try at least. We all deserved at least that much.

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The next day I dropped by the restaurant to get Phil after lunch. I couldn't wait to show him one of the spots that had easily become one of my favourites in the woods when I hiked to it the first time. But when Phil joined me to leave I couldn't help but notice the dark circles that hung underneath his eyes. The smile that was normally so bright when he said hello, seemed forced. I wanted to let him take his time and talk to me when he was ready. But I think it might be time to ask.

We walked out of town in relative silence. Any attempt I made at starting a conversation was short lived and I soon gave up at try to to make Phil talk. Soon we were under the shade of the trees and while I could feel myself relaxing, Phil still seemed tense.

"Are we ever going to talk about it?" I asked, not being able to wait any longer.

"What?" Phil asked warily.

"Whatever's wrong," I made a broad hand gesture.

"What makes you think something's wrong?" Phil's tone was kinder that time, realising that he couldn't really hide it anymore.

"Phil, you haven't been yourself," I explained, "I just want to help you. Whatever it is, you can tell me."

"I'm leaving," Phil said simply, leaving a pause of silence before continuing, "That was the plan the whole time. I was going to leave after a year of being here. I just didn't account for you and I definitely didn't mean to lie, I just forgot to tell you."

"You forgot?" My tone came out more bitter than I intended. But how could I not feel hurt? I thought that the last time this had happened had been hard enough.

"It's not for a while yet, I basically just got here," Phil tried to be optimistic, "And I would never ask you to leave somewhere you love, just as I know you would never ask me to stay somewhere I hated."

"Do you really hate it here?" He was right, I had grown to love this town, and hearing that someone hated it hurt.

"I used to hate it would be more accurate," Phil chose his words carefully, "You've made it so much better, but some of the things I want to do in life," he paused for a moment, "it's just that they can't be accomplished from here. There's so much left I want to do. I could see myself moving back to a place like this to raise kids, but not living here yet."

"It wouldn't have hurt to ask at least."

"Ask what?" Phil couldn't figure it out by himself.

"Ask if I would go with you," I said in a small voice. If he rejected me then, I think I might die. They hadn't asked last time.

"Would you want to move away from here?" Phil questioned gently, still unsure even with my prompting.

"Maybe," I answered honestly, wiping at my eyes quickly to stop the tears that were threatening to well up, "I was thinking that working with a publisher in a big city might be the next step forward for my career, if you're even moving to a big city."

"I am," Phil smiled, hopeful, "I wanted to rent a flat with someone, though that someone is preferably you, and learn how to navigate the city together. We could make the space ours and eventually share almost everything in it. Dan, I would so love to share all of that with you."

"I'm not saying yes" Even though the idea kept sounding better and better "You're right that I love it here. The move to the city definitely couldn't be permanent for me. But I don't want to let you have all that fun without me."

"Oh and it wouldn't even be fun without you," Phil was beginning to grin now, "I'd just have to frown the whole time. I'd call you everyday and cry that it wouldn't get any better til you were there."

"I do make everything much better," Phil's grin was contagious, even with my words that dripped with sarcasm.

"You have no idea," Phil leaned over to kiss me, "I love you so much."

"I love you," I couldn't help but reply sincerely. My heart fluttered every time we repeated those words to each other.

"Besides by the time I leave this town we might have already broken up and this won't even be a problem," Phil teased.

"Not likely," I frowned.

"Yeah, you're right," Phil poked my cheek where the dimple normally was, "That would never happen."

After that we were able to continue our walk much more happily. I was able to show him one of my favourite spots in the forest and he made it even better than it had been before. Later that night, long after we had walked back, I laid in bed next to Phil, who was there so often now I felt so lonely when he wasn't there. It would be so scary to leave everything I had come to know, but trying new things was always a good idea. And who better to do that with than Phil?