A Dreamers Sleep

The Beginning (or who am I to say when this all started?)

Good morning, good afternoon, good evening, or good night. Your day has either just ended or is yet to begin. And even if your day is ending it is getting ready to begin for the next day. But who am I to say there will be a next day? Or even a beginning? Everything has to start from something right? Or no. Maybe everything just always was? But that's not true, because if everything always was there would be no pont of now.

The point of now.

When is now? Now is made up of our past and future both simultaneously occurring at the same time. So 'now' can not be made up without our past. Or our future. But for now, we'll focus on the past.

As a kid you, you are raised in a house full of your parents opinions, flaws, wishes, and dreams. You have no choice of who your parents are, how they act, where you live, or how you are raised. Everything that you have control over is how you act. You try and act out to control the situations, but that never had worked before and never helps in the moment.

Looking back on childhood, you realize your parents were always busy. They never had time to hang out with you, and when they did you never really did what you wanted or talked about what you wanted or needed to. You were mostly a loner. You had siblings, but you never got along well, or you were just always with them. So, they didn't count as company. You were allowed to go outside once every blue moon and only for 30 minutes a day with very specific boundaries. You had a load of chores to do and mostly watched T.V. for most of your days.

You were alright in school, but never really good at anything in specific. You were just average at pretty much everything you did. You had to fend for yourself, entertain yourself, be the perfect child, and pray that one day you'd find a friend. A friend that you could hang out with all the time. A friend that you could tell all your secrets. A friend that wanted to be with you. A friend that accepted you for you and that you could accept them for them. Until then, you had to stay a loner. And when I say you, I mean myself. I'm still looking for that friend... But things will change. But all that glitters isn't gold. Don't forget that.

(Related song: Show Me How To Live by Audioslave)