My Childhood Sweetheart's Brother

Part 37: I'm Lost Without You

Waking up in my bed was a shock. For the last three days, the hospital had become my home. I hadn't stepped out of it until last night, which I hadn't even done voluntarily. My mum and Bella got together to carry me out as I took a nap.

I didn't go to school, or see anyone. For three days the only person I had spent any time with was Caleb, that's the only person I wanted to see.

"How are you feeling?" My mum asked as I came down for breakfast.

I didn't answer. That's another thing, ever since I had seen Caleb on the first night I walked into that hospital, I hadn't spoken much. There was nothing to say. It was the same thing over and over again.

'How are you feeling?'
'Are you okay?'
'Oh Abbie, this is so horrible.'
'You must be hurting.'
'I'm so sorry to hear this.'
'It'll be okay.'

I was sick and tired from hearing the same thing over and over again. I had more important things to worry about, like the fact my boyfriend was in a coma.

"Abbie, you've got to talk." My mum sighed. "I'm worried about you."

"Well I'm worried about Caleb and no one seems to understand that." I snapped.

"Stop." My mum said sternly. "Don't use that tone with me Abbie. I know you're hurting, I can't imagine how much. The uncertainty must be killing you. But I'm your mother for god sake. I'm worrying about you just as much as you're worrying about Caleb. I'm scared as well, for him and for you. So stop acting like no one gives a shit and like everyone is standing in your way. We all love you and want to make it as normal and easy for you as possible but you ignoring us and treating us like trash won't change anything."

I sat stunned.

"Caleb is in a coma. And until he wakes up, because he is going to wake up, you have to have to come to terms with it and live. Sitting by his side 24/7 won't do shit."

I was shocked at my mums speech.

"Now," she continued in a calmer tone as she packed her hand bag. "Holly has a day off of school today because of some teachers meeting thing and you're going to take of her while taking your mind off of your other issues. Have a nice day, gotta go."

I watched as she walked out the house and the door slammed. My mum and I have always had a good relationship and it was the first time I had heard her on such a rant. But I knew she was right, and that's the worst thing.

Nevertheless, I didn't wake up Holly. I let her sleep in so I could have as much alike time as possible. She woke up an hour after noon and I tried my best to put a brave face on as I made her breakfast and then fulfilled her request of going to the park.

I texted Bella on the way to meet me there if she had any frees and she agreed. Unsurprisingly she was already sitting at our usual bench when we arrived, waiting for me.

She knew it annoyed me so she avoided the typical phatic talk, and tried being casual.

"How was it sleeping in your own bed again instead of a bunch of lined up chairs?" She asked.

"Comfortable. Much more comfortable." I admitted.

Bella smiled proudly. "I knew dragging you out of there was the best plan."

"I still don't know how you managed to do it without me realising."

"Well, you have been sleeping on a bunch of lined up chairs." She repeated her previous statement. "You must have been so tired."

I sighed. "I'm exhausted."

"Abbie, I know you've heard this a million times at least." Bella started. "But it's going to be okay. I can feel it."

I shook my head. "I can't."

She wrapped her arms around me. "How has Dan been about this? Has he spoken to you?"

"He tried." I told her. "But I pushed him away. I feel guilty now, but I still hate him and I've barely spoken to my own mum, never mind my ex that cheated on me."

"It'll all smooth out." Bella reassured. "I can't tell you when he will wake up Abbie, and I can't promise you it'll be any time soon. But Caleb will wake up. And while he's unconscious revert thing will slip back into place very soon. I promise you that."

As if on queue, Holly ran up to us from the play area and gave me her hands so I could wipe away the sand. "Abbie?"

"Yes pumpkin?" I forced a smile.

"Where's Caleb?" My heart stopped. "Can we call him to come and meet us again. I miss him."

I couldn't hold it in anymore and burst into a waterfall of tears. Bella instantly hugged me to her chest trying to cover up my state in front of my little sister.

"I miss him too." I wept silently into her sweater.

"I know you do." She whispered. I felt her head turn to face my sister. "Holly, how about I take you to see Jay? He's at home with the nanny."

"Jay?" Holly asked, I could hear the excitement in her voice. Her and Jay were very much like me and Dan had been. Bella and I had always laughed over the act that we would end up being each others sisters in law. "Yay!"

"Okay, how about you go get your water bottle from the sand pit and I'll take you there?"

"Okay."

I heard Holly's footsteps become more distant as Bella pulled me away from her.

"Okay look, wipe your tears before Holly comes back." I did as I was told, taking deep breathes to calm myself down. "I'm gonna take the rest of the day off school, I've only got bio left, and take Holly to see Jay. You go and see Caleb."

I stared at my best friend with awe. "Are you serious?"

She nodded with a smile, squeezing my hand. "It's what you need."

I gave her a tight hug, trying to hold back the tears. "Thank you. I love you."

"Love you too Abs." She hugged me back. "Now go! I'll take care of Holly and drop her home later."

I smiled, probably the first genuine smile since I got the phone call, and turned to walk away before Bella gabbed my arm.

"One more thing." She said. "Promise me you'll come home for the night. You need to sleep properly."

I nodded. "I promise."

I could sit there like that for hours, just staring at my unconscious boyfriend. Every time I thought I couldn't feel worse, and every time I did.

I found my hand caressing his cheek. "I miss you so much. I'm so lost without you." Tears were already flowing down my cheek but I didn't care, we were alone.

"Caleb please wake up. I'm so sorry. I'll never be able to apologise enough for what I said to you. This is all my fault. I'm not myself ever since this happened. It's like, you're the only person I could ever be myself with. I need you back Caleb. I love you so much."

The last sentence escaped my lips before I could even think it. I felt my throat dry and my muscles stiffen. Had I just declared my love for Caleb Spears? I mean, he was unconscious and couldn't hear anything anyway, and we were alone and yet, I myself was surprised by my declaration.  But, I couldn't deny my own feelings.

I was in love with Caleb Spears.