Walking into the halls that once brought me such hatred and sadness suddenly felt different. I felt different, like a new person. This year was going to be different, I could feel it. I also knew that I had my friends behind me no matter what.
As I walk to homeroom I notice Ryder walking down the hall as well. I knew I'd see him eventually but I was hoping I could delay it as much as possible. Trying to pretend I didnt care I just nodded my head at him, and that was all I needed to do. We were no longer friends, his dad found out about my sexuality and no longer allows him to be my friend. Stupid, I know, but there's nothing I can do. Plus, It's only gonna help me get over him faster I guess.
The day went by so slow, and it didn't help that Ryder was in half my classes. But, I was looking forward to the end of the day since I'd get to hang out with Hope. Usually when we hang out we try to do each other's make up, or should I say fail badly at using eyeliner on each other. I already look emo enough.
As soon as the day was over I rushed out of my last class and bumped into someone I'd never seen before. Was he new? He had blonde hair that was put to one side, almost covering his eyes. And talking about those eyes, They seemed like they were hazel green and blue all combined in one. I felt like I could get lost in his eyes for an eternity. Sadly I couldn't, we were in the middle of a hallway and were almost trampeled by seniors. As I gathered my belongings from the ground I noticed he seemed a little bit frightened. I hope I didn't scare him, he is shorter than me. Damn it.
"Hey Andrew, Hey mason."
"oh hey hope," His voice was calm and steady, but still a little high pitched. perfect.
"Hey.." Goddamn I'm so awkward.
"Oh Mason this is Andrew, Andrew, Mason "
"Hi" and that was all we said to each other. He walked off and met up with some other boy, which sort of gave me a little twinge in my chest. Sort of like a string pulling on me. I just ignored it at first but as the day went on and Hope and I kept hanging out and talking about people who we find attractive I somehow thought of him. He is pretty good looking, not gonna deny it.
"Wait, so who are you into now?" Well there's a question I don't have an answer for.
"I don't really have anyone I'm into right now. I really don't wanna be into anyone anyway, I don't want to end up liking another Ryder." That last part wasn't a lie. If I wound up having to go through that again... Well let's just hope it doesn't happen.
"Are you sure you're over him? I really don't want you going through that again" Well she read my mind.
"yeah yeah I'm over him don't worry"
"Well how can I not be worried? After everything that's happened I can't just ignore this"
"I know, I know. And thanks for worrying but I'm fine, trust me"
And that was that. She didn't ask any more and I was fine with that.
"we've been talking about Ryder way too much"
"Yeah"
"By the way, you never told me about mason"
"Oh yeah, he's my cousin, he's gay too"
"Is he open about it? " I asked, a little bit of hope in my voice.
"no he only told me cause I'm his cousin, only a couple people know. Why? Think he's cute or something?"
"What no! I mean, I'm not trying to be mean or say he isn't but again I just don't want to like anyone right Now" as much as I don't want to like anyone it's not really a choice now is it?
"Sure ya don't, just wait till you text me about how you want me to set you guys up" damn she read my mind again, how does she keep doing that?
That night
I couldn't stop thinking of him. His blonde hair and his bright eyes just kept popping up in my mind and I knew it was going to be a long night, but, if it's gonna be spent thinking about a guy I'm very glad that it's him.
The next morning
As I dart out of bed I heard my mom yelling at me for waking up late. Why can't I ever just get up on time?
I did my hair as fast as I could and ran to my car. As soon as I got to school I realized that I had this annoying gnawing feeling in my stomach, like it was gonna be a long long day.
First period was terribly slow, don't get me wrong, I enjoy algebra, but when you're looking forward to seeing a guy all day it gets kind of hard to pay attention to whatever x is.
All day I'd been looking forward to seeing him again, but it seems like I'm out of luck. Or so I thought. As I walked towards to Lunch table at which I usually sit at I see a blond haired boy sitting next to where I usually do. I instantly knew who it was, and just as quickly as i started to blush and get nervous, the gnawing feeling in my stomach disappeared.
Every time I see him it's like my brain stops everything and tries to notice every single detail about him. Looking at him is breathtaking and it requires all the strength I have not to wanna plant my lips on his right then and there. But I have to restrain myself, I have to make a good impression and befriend him, but, not friendzone myself either. Damn, this is a lot harder than I thought it'd be.
Sitting there next to him was nerve racking, he's so amazing and sweet. He seems to be nerdy too which only makes him cuter. It's exactly how it was with Ryder... no, this is different, it's on a whole different level. And this time I actually have a chance. I'm not gonna screw this up, I just can't. I've finally found someone and if I mess this up who knows when I'll get another chance?
Although my time for overthinking things was cut short as lunch was over and it was now back to classes. Though I no longer had the gnawing feeling and classes didn't seem like they took an eternity. In fact they went by faster than ever, but it was probably just because I have him on my mind the entire time.
But how can you blame me? When you've got someone as amazing as him it's hard to focus on anything, especially if it doesn't relate to how exactly I have to win this boy over.
