I Hate Myself And I Want to Die (Kurt Cobain FanFiction!)

Come As You Are

I don't remember falling asleep in Kurt's truck on our way to his house, but apparently I did.

He gently removed a strand of hair away from my face. Little did he know, I was not a deep sleeper. So when I opened my eyes he flinched.

His blue eyes and blonde hair look so bright in the darkness. I guess he was just radiant and mysterious like he moon.

"I-I'm sorry... I didn't mean to wake you up..." he started blushing furiously.

This just made me laugh hysterically. Because Kurt actually seemed pretty scary, but if you know the real him you know that, that isn't actually true. It is actually very sad, but I continue laughing. The stress was getting to me...

"What's so funny?"

"I'm sorry. I just..." I continue laughing and then take a deep breath, "The stress is getting to me, I'm sorry."

He nods, and smiles softly.

And then I realize has dimples. So, the most logical thing to do was grab his face and start poking his dimples.

Nice move Molly...

"You have dimples! That is so cooooool! I want dimples!"

Yes I sound totally drunk at this moment but the logical part of my brain is absolutely not working.

Kurt chuckles and smirks. And takes my hands away from his face. And puts them under his chin. Another place that is warm, I will have to keep that in mind.

"You sound drunk."

Now he is the one who is laughing hysterically. So I start pouting.

He lets go of my hands, and continues smiling.

I hug Tommy closer to my chest and decide to ask "Where is Wendy?"

Kurt shrugs and says "All I know is that she isn't home."

Oh, so his mom probably left her phone home, before leaving. And thank god she did because Kurt was exactly the person I needed to calm me down and support me... And keep me safe...

After a few minutes of awkward silence, he asks "Do you want to come in?"

I obviously nod.

First of all, I am very fucking tired. Second of all, I really love Kurt's house. It is all colorful and shit. Third of all, did I mention I was bloody tired?

He leaves the car, and closes his door. He than goes to my side and carefully takes Tom.

I get out of the car, and I am barely able to close the door. God I am so weak...

Kurt unlocks the blue door to his house and let's me in. The rainbow striped walls never cease to amaze me. Their house smells like cookies, as usual.

"Um Kurt, can I borrow a tee shirt after I take a shower?"

"Of course."

We start walking upstairs to Kurt's room. I haven't been in there for 6 years and I'm scared to see how it changed.

Kurt opens his crimson door into a completely black room. There was something scary and comforting about the darkness...

It looks like this place is a secret hideaway for a rapist.

He chuckled.

Um, did I say that out loud? I guess I did.

We enter the room and Kurt gently tucks Tommy into his bed. And than he walks up to a drawer and takes out a long black shirt with The Beatles, Abbey Road on it.

I smirk. Because well The Beatles are my favorite band.

He gives me a towel and an extra toothbrush. So now I was all set. I go into the bathroom and turn on the hot water. Burning water helps me with stress.

I climb into the shower, the scorching water hit my skin. And other person would be repelled by this water. But I am not normal.

After the shower I brushed my teeth and put on Kurt's shirt.

It smells amazing... It smells like vanillas and chocolate and ugh.

Why is everything about the Cobain's so perfect?

Once I thought that, I opened his bathroom cupboard, out of habit. And what I saw brought tears neck into my eyes...

There was a razor, and a lot of bandages... Kurt Cobain self harms...

I used to self harm. I have scars all over my body, but I stopped, because I didn't want Tom or mom to see.

I look down at my legs. And since all I'm wearing is Kurt's long shirt and my underwear, my scars are out... There were little white scars all across my arms and legs... I actually don't care if he sees I just want him come as he is. I don't really want him to hide anything from me. There needs to be one person in your life who you can tell anything to. I want to be that person.

So I close the cupboard, and put my toothbrush on the the counter top. Hanging the towel on the sliding shower door, I wipe my tears. And then I walk out and go to Kurt's dark dark room...

When I open the door, I see him laying on his makeshift bed... He radiantly smiles at me from his position on the floor. And than he starts taking in my body... He absorbs all of my scars and insecurities by his stare. I suddenly feel naked...

My whole body burns under his glare. And then he looks up at me. His perfect eyebrows are furrowed, and he whispers "Come here..." His deep voice is so gently I can literally just feel myself melting.

I start slowly walking to his bed, and he gets up, at the speed of light and hugs me...

My face in the crook of his neck, while he sobs... He honestly smells like vanilla and chocolate. He smells like something I can eat.

I feel so terrible... So fucking terrible...

Molly you are an idiot...

He pulls back, and his beautiful face is streaked in tears, "Please don't ever ever ever do it again.."

"I haven't done it in a month," I whisper...

I FELT SO FUCKING GUILTY...

He smiles at that and hugs me tight again. It felt so right to be in his arms, and yet so wrong...

"Come as you are," I whisper again...

A sob escapes Kurt's lips and he lets go of me, and sits down on his "bed". I follow.

He rolls up his navy shirt's sleeves up, one by one, and what I see is terrible... His arms are completely covered in fresh and old scars... It is scary.

I look up at him, and he is staring at me. I hug him... There was nothing else I could do, there where no words you could say, you just need to give the other warmth...

I went through this. And there was no one there for me, there was no one who would explain to me why I felt this way, why life sucked so much... I felt very alone...

And now Kurt... He feels the same way... And he has no moral support. So I'll be his support.

~