My Obscure Love

Stuck in Love mesh.

  Dedicated to one of the bestest 
friend I ever got... 
  I didn't want to lose you but you left me, for some reason I don't know...and I want you to know I still miss you...
                        -- @trisha19022002.
     (One day, in my dining room)

"Yes.

I loved her... I still love her... and she will always be in my heart. You happy now?"

At last, I spat out the truth, in front of Anna - the truth I have been hiding from others, from myself. Alexandra, or simply, Anna was her best friend in school, mine too. So, I couldn't stop the truth from bursting out.

Anna's face showed a change. A slight grin developed in her face, a cunning one. But then she gave a shy look, as if she was going to confess something very distressing. And, yes. She did confess something. And yes.... Damn Distressing.

She said me something, which really shocked me, "I knew ... it ... a-and she knew it too".

She didn't smile, or chuckle. Rather, she showed a little gesture of worry for me.

"Don't tell me you're jokin', Anna! If she knew what I felt for her, why didn't she throw me away from her life, long ago? Why are we still in touch? You know...12 years, still she's repressing her distress for me. She doesn't like me. She H-A-T-E-S me", I shouted. My nerves were gonna burst. My throat became sore.

She argued, "wh-why would she throw you off her life? And why didn't you say this to her then, even to me, I could've helped you in some sense... I sensed something fishy in you for her...but didn't think your heart had already gone this long for her." She said.

"I didn't want to...I didn't want to break her heart...I didn't want to break her heart for my satisfaction. You know...she hated boys then. She hated boys now. She thinks all of us boys are pervs. SHE WAS WRONG. SHE WAS ALWAYS WRONG. But it wasn't her fault. THAT BLOODY ZAYN.OH GOD!!! I COULDN'T KILL HIM, Cause I didn't know him. ALL I COULD DO, ALL I CAN DO IS JUST REGRET. I'M USELESS. On top of that, she always thought me of a good brother, not even much of a friend." I continued without leaving a breath. "She hated 'LOVE'...can you imagine. If I would've expressed my feelings for my sake,for my satisfaction, she would've thought that I'm just another bitchy flirt, who was just sticking to her all that time, to make a relationship with her...to destroy her virginity...and what sort of things she would've thought of me just I know...Oh god! She was one hell of a girl...With hell lot of imaginations.

She is something different. Only her closest ones and I got to know what she is actually...and what she had been through in her life, that left her heart shattered.

And I couldn't hurt her for satisfying myself. So I didn't say her anything."

My eyes turned red. Still... not even a single tear came out. I started throwing everything around me, until Anna calmed my sudden outburst.

She said while patting my back, "Hey, easy-peasy, calm down ... calm down, what happened? Stop."

I stopped. I sat down. "You know Anna, you're lucky that when you're in great distress, you can cry... I can't. I c-can't let my grief go ... they keep on getting stored inside my heart. I ha-ha-hate myself", I stammered as I sobbed, though no tears came out.

Anna pulled me towards her. She took my head and rested it on her heart. I could hear her heart beat in my distress. I knew I could never get a better friend than Anna. I calmed down.

Anna is so good. She is friend to me, she is a mother to me. She never wanted bad of me, in this big, cruel world. Cause she too had a one-sided love for me, as I had for 'her'.

Breaking the stillness around, she said just two words, "Since when?". I understood what she wanted to ask, what she wanted to mean...

I said, as I was resting on her tendering lap, as she caressed my head and my hair, "May 9, '15. Foundation Day. 'She's a good speaker. Fab words, good vocab. This girl's awesome.' I said to my friends, while looking at her with utmost attention, as she was giving her speech. My friends too stared, but not at her...at me. They could see me get so impressed by a girl, for the first time in my whole life. Even I couldn't figure out, what happened to me. My mouth was wide open as she delivered her speech. Later that day, I met you, we were not introduced properly then...just our parents knew each other. I met you...you were with her, giggling around. That's when I met her again, within an hour. My hazel brown eyes fell on her black ones. Her chuckle turned into a small smile... not that she found me attractive, no chance... it's that she's always excited. I asked Sam... I hope you know him... your sis's B-F."

She said, "Come on, why won't I... he's out with Jess - Berlin... God!! That Sam... still Nazi...!!". She paused... I hope, for me.

I continued,"I asked him, 'who's she ?' 'Who, Grace? Why do you ask?', he said. Chlöe Grace Moretz, a girl of 13 then; l*ves Music- Pop and Hip-hop, l*ves reading and writing stories, and L-*-V-E-S rejecting boys, every now and then; Daughter of Daniel and Cameron Moretz... Millionaires residing in Land of Riches- DUBAI. Falling in l*ve with her would hurt my pockets, but moving my cheap imaginations away, I wanted to discover her brighter side, what she was - from outside, from inside, from ...you know. But it was a tough job, cause she shares her things only with her friends...close friends. And no boy in this whole world had a golden fate of being her 'FRIEND'. Asking her letting to be her brother, well.... Okay, fine for her. But asking her letting to be her friend...her middle finger was always ready to do its job".

The clock on the wall rang, as it's hour hand struck 9. It was dark outside. The skies were cranking. Loud thunders. Bright lightning. Heavy downpour. Anna was hungry, I wasn't... my hunger died hours ago, when I started talking about this matter- the matter I repressed for years, in the deepest corner of my hearts. She said me to come with her... to the pub. I went on to reach my umbrella... she clutched my hand, and pulled me towards her. She said me, 'Let's get wet...'
She hummed,
'It's been a long time,
Without you, my friend.
Let's go down the streets,
And get wet in the rain.'

I chuckled, forgetting what we were discussing moments ago.

Anna dragged me to the pub. I had to go...