Loose Ends

006

By the time he arrives at the cafe, his stomach is twisted with nerves. He doesn't even know what he's going to say, really. He feels guilty for taking his parent's word, believing petty gossip over what Park has actually told him.

Which is nothing. Park has told him nothing.

He quickly spots the curly-headed boy sitting in a booth hidden in the back of the cafe, his fingers tangled in his dark hair. He looks stressed. Cai hates the fact that he's made him stressed.

He slides into the booth across from Park, a small smile on his face. Park returns the smile, but Cai can tell he's nervous, which just ends up stressing him out even more.

"So, what was it you wanted to talk to me about?" His tone is hesitant, not quite meeting Cai's eyes.

Cai takes a deep breath, staring at his hands where they rest in his lap.

"Well my mom's a part of this bookclub with a few of the other ladies in town, right? And well, she told me some things that the women were saying. About you, and why you guys moved here. I'm not saying I believe them or that it's a big deal or anything, I know it's probably just mindless gossip, I just. I just think I should know. If it's true, I mean."

"What did she say?" Park's shoulders are rigid, eyes boring into the wood table between them.

"She said, well. She said that your family caught you with someone who they didn't -- approve of I guess? That that was the reason you guys moved away from London."

It's quiet for a few moments, the expression on Park's face unreadable.

"It's not even true, is it? God, I'm so stupid. I should've known it was just gossip, those women are always gossiping about something. I mean last summer they were saying Quinn Lovell was dating her chauffeur and I was like wow, these women are straight up liars and --"

"It's true, Cai."

His rambling is brought to an abrupt halt, eyes widening to the size of dinner plates.

"Oh. Oh." He brings a hand to scratch awkwardly at the back of his neck, trying to hide the fact that there was an embarrassed flush on his cheeks.

Park huffs out a seemingly frustrated sigh, leaning forward and tilting Cai's chin up so he's forced to look at him. His eyes are stormy, but still impossibly warm.

"They caught me with a guy, okay? We were both drunk and it was at a party, I don't even remember the bloke's name. We were on the couch, I didn't even think they were home. But they just walk right in and my mom screams and my dad just starts throwing things. The kid runs, obviously. So it's just me and I'm trying to calm them down but they can tell I've been drinking, and my dad drags me to my room and shoves me in, tells me to pack a bag. Then the next morning we're on a flight to New York."

Cai's speechless, staring at Park with what he's sure is a dumbfounded expression on his face. Park pulls a pack of Marlboro's out of his coat pocket before realizing he isn't allowed to smoke in here, shoving the pack back into his jacket with a disgruntled groan.

"So -- they know you're gay?" This maybe wasn't the best question to ask, but it's the biggest one in Cai's mind.

Park gives a bitter laugh. "To them, I'm not gay. To them I have a girlfriend named Olivia, to them that guy was just a drunken mistake. They think I'm straight, Cai. They could never know about any of this, they'd kill me." Cai would like to think that he's exaggerating with that last bit, but something about the look in Park's eye tells him he isn't.

Wait. Did Park just say he had a girlfriend?

"Hold on, who the hell is Olivia? You have a girlfriend? You're fucking with me, right?" He says in disbelief.

"Oh, no. No. It's not like that at all just listen, okay?" Cai relaxes minimally, still tense.

"Olivia and I have been best friends since we were ten. She had a crush on me when we were younger but when I figured out I was gay she was the first person I told and we've just been friends since -- she's like a sister to me. Anyway, she moved to New York six months before we did, her parents and my parents are close which is probably why my dad chose New York for us too. Anyway, after I got caught with that guy, I called Olivia. We sort of figured out a plan, I guess. She'd agree to be my date to all the parties, gatherings, etcetera. As far as my parents are concerned, she's my girlfriend. As far as we're concerned, we'd both rather be alone forever than date each other."

Cai can't say he isn't jealous, of course he is. This Olivia person seems to know Park better than he ever thinks he will, how could he not be jealous of that? Still, Park's story does seem to be legit. He's looking at Cai with this sincere look on his face and this hopeful little smile that makes Cai want to leap over the table and kiss his face.

But they're in public, so he doesn't do that.

Instead he subtly brushes his foot up against his under the table, his lips finally curving upwards the slightest bit.

"Okay." He says simply, relieved to finally know the whole story.

"Yeah? You're not mad or anything? I was going to tell you I just, I didn't want it to change anything."

"How would it change anything?"

"Well, I dunno. Because I can't tell my parents? We can't be open, Cai. I can't come out. It's not fair to you, that's all. I just thought -- I thought maybe you wouldn't think being my boyfriend was worth it if it meant nobody could know about it.

An uneasy feeling had been spreading in Cai's stomach when Park was saying they'd never be able to tell anyone, but then the word 'boyfriend' fell from his lips and an incredibly dopey smile was on his face.

"Why're you smiling like that? It's creepy." Park's confused, not even realizing what he's said.

"Boyfriend."

"What?"

"You said boyfriend. You said I was your boyfriend." He's still grinning, and soon Park is grinning the same way, his eyes crinkling in a way that melts Cai's heart.

"That's what you are, right? My boyfriend. We're boyfriends."

Cai's nodding before he's even finished his sentence, causing Park to laugh.

"Yeah, I guess I am. I mean, as long as you want me to be. You want me to be, right?"

Park smiles, sneakily reaching under the table to intertwine their fingers, giving Cai's hand a squeeze.

"There's nothing I want more."

☀

I'm back from the dead woo!! School has been killing me but I'm trying to get back in the swing of things now. As always feedback is appreciated!