Half a heart Without You

Part V

It was about five o'clock when I unlocked the door of our flat and pushed it open with a grin on my face. Today was great. A day to myself was exactly what the doctor ordered. I went to the movies and saw one that I had been wanting to see for a while. There were hardly any people that early in the day, so it was perfect; there weren't any stupid people to kick my seat or scream loudly. After the movie let out, it was lunchtime, so I went to one of my favorite restaurants and got the greasiest and unhealthiest item on the menu. When the last fry had been devoured, I drove round for a bit, and ended up at the shops. I wandered the stores, smelling the scented candles, picking up a new pair of grey braces, and trying on a few pairs of toms. To end the day, I got an ice cream cone from the soft serve place on the corner.

"Harry, I'm home!" I yelled, kicking off my shoes and brushing the crumbs from my ice cream cone off my jumper. I hadn't thought about him all day, which was probably a good thing. Thinking about him would have just made me more upset than I could handle. But now that I had some time to calm down, I wasn't as mad. At Harry, at least. I directed all my anger towards Angela. Angela, who got to have Harry all to herself forever.

Speaking of Harry, where was he?

"Harry? I called again. He still didn't answer. I set my shopping bag down and threw my keys on the coffee table. I went to his room and opened the door. He wasn't there either.

I frowned. Maybe he just went out.

I let it go and grabbed a bag of crisps from the pantry in the kitchen. I flopped down on the couch and propped my feet up. I turned on the telly and ripped open the bag and shoved some crisps in my mouth.

I had been sitting there for a while before Harry emerged from the bathroom, inhaling slightly when he saw me.

"Lou...I didn't know you were home," he said, his eyes widening. "Have you been sitting ther long?"

"I just dropped in a few minutes ago," I said, returning to my attention to the screen. "I didn't notice you were in the bathroom."

His gaze rested at his feet. "Yeah, well...," he said quietly. He looked at the couch. "Mind if I join you?"

"You don't really have to ask permission in your own house," I said. He sighed sadly and sat down next to me, further away to from what was normal for us, but I decided to ignore it. It wasn't my place to feel anything for him anymore.

It was quiet between the two of us for a few hours. The voices on the telly couldn't drown out the awkward silence that lingered in the air.

When the movie I was watching was almost over, Harry grabbed the remote and turned it off.

"Hey, what gives, I wanted to see the ending," I said, trying to grab the remote from his hand, but he held on tightly.

"Lou, I want you to know something."

"Okay, what?" I asked, finally turning to look at him. His eyes were sad, but they looked determined.

"First of all, I want you to know that you will always be my best friend. We've been friends this long and some girl isn't going to get between us. Nothing is going to change. Okay?"

"Yeah, sure, whatever," I said, trying to swipe the remote from his hand one again, but he held it behind his back.

"I'm not done yet. Remember earlier I said that I was going out tomorrow to meet her? Well I'd like my best man to come with us. And before you say no," he said when I opened my mouth to object, "I want you to know that it would mean a lot to me if you came with us."

"Okay, fine," I said grouchily. "Can I have the remote back now?"

"Just one more thing, I promise." He paused for a second before saying words that hurt e deeper than anything he had said before.

"I want you to stop wearing the shirt."

I didn't have to ask which one. What other piece of clothing would he be referring to? The shirt was the only one that held evidence of his affection for me. The only thing I would have after he got married. The only thing that definitely stated that he loved me.

Or maybe he never did. Maybe he just gave it to me as a joke and I had been stupid to ever take it seriously in the first place. Suddenly, I didn't even want to wear it anyway.

"'Kay," I said, crossing my arms over my chest. Harry stared at me for a moment. It seemed as if he wanted to say more but all he did was silently hand the remote to me and rest his back against the couch. I snatched it out of his hand and turned the telly back on again and found out I had missed the ending. Brilliant.

"Brunch is at eleven tomorrow," Harry said standing up. "Wear something nice." He ran a hand through his curls and disappeared down the hallway.

I sat there for a moment before pushing the power button on the remote. It was getting late, and I would have to go to bed early so I could be ready so we could leave on time. Seeing Anne again would be weird; I haven't spoken to her since Harry graduated, and even then, it was very brief. I was tired, more than usual.

I got up and made my way down the hall to go to bed and realized that I had been about to open Harry's door instead of mine. I was glad I had realized my mistake; showing up at his door would be awkward now that he was engaged. I trudged over to my own room and stripped off my clothes, leaving only my boxers. Usually I would have worn some pajama bottoms and a shirt but I was too tired to care. My last thought before I drifted off to sleep was how cold it was without Harry's arms wrapped tightly around me.