Lights Out

State of Mind

It's dizzying. It's black. It feels dangerous. My body feels paper thin, my mind loaded with questions. Spinning, spin-spinner, spinning. Everything around me is disorganized and out of place. My anxiety heightens as everything seems to be flying in and out of my reach. I want to grab hold of something, anything, put it in my hand and grasp it. Too much to mesh together, round and round it went.

And then it stopped.

I close my eyes quickly afraid that what I would see would be too much to handle. What had happened seconds before made no sense, but I was curious. Open your eyes Tami, my mind coaxed.

I peek through one eye and am surprised to find darkness. I'm in an abandoned alley that seems harmless, not like those movies where the alley is the place you get killed in. No, this alley is quiet and inoffensive.

I open the other eye and hold out my arms, then stare at my hands. There isn’t a scratch on them, it seems too perfect. I pat my hair expecting frizz only to find it sleek and soft. This is more than abnormal. My jeans don’t seem to have a wrinkle out of place, and I can’t find that scar on my hand. But I could’ve sworn-

“TAMI. Thank god, I found you. Shit you scared me.”

The voice leads to my head whipping around to find Carr staring at me. His eyes are bright with relief, but something else is there, I just can’t put my finger on it. I smile nervously, realizing that I'm being paranoid. Everything's just fine; I must’ve had one of my scary dreams and sleep walked like always.

Carr's my long-time boyfriend, who I trust with my life. He's helped me though my brother's death and the nightmares I get which is why I guess I'm out here. Nightmares plague me to no end. Still, Carr looks at me with loving chocolate brown eyes, as if I've done nothing wrong. He's tall, slender, with a contrasting gruff look to his face. He needs a shave really. His face is a nice olive tone that I'm jealous of. His hands are rough compared to his slender body and I know that he's been building things for his disabled next door neighbour again. This boy is too good for me.

I get up, ready to wipe dirt off my jeans, and then remember my jeans don’t have a seam out of place never mind dirt. I shake the thoughts off and tip toe over to Carr, not wanting to break the silence of the alley.

“Where are we?” I ask inquiringly.

He shrugs and reaffirms my suspicions saying, “You slept walked out of your house again I think. I don’t remember much, probably because I was half-asleep, but I just felt like you’d be over here ya know? Intuition I guess.”

He seems just as confused as I was, leaving me to only wonder what was happening.

As we walk out of the alley we approach the sidewalk and when I look up, I feel the wrong in my stomach. This isn’t Bellville, my hometown since I was born. No, I knew Bellville by heart. This isn’t even a town I recognize. It seems to have this gray tint, but it's eerie like. There isn’t any fog, or rain, but that would’ve been appropriate.

Someone walks past me, bumping my shoulder mumbling, “Don’t just stand there.”

I ignore the rude citizen and turn my body 360 to get the full view. The sky is a dull white, not a cloud in sight. The buildings are of gray, black, or some earthy tone. The wrong feeling comes up into my throat and I can feel myself ready to heave. My eyes glance to Carr and I see the bulge in his eyes from confusion.

I turn away from him, wanting to figure out more from this strange place. The people seem to all have a nonchalant stare. Don’t get me wrong, they weren’t robots, they were all different in a way, but it was eerily all the same too. They didn’t stand apart, as Carr and I did. Quickly, I grab Carr’s hand, worried at our safety.

But why should I be? No one’s coming after us; it seems safe in all regards.

I look at Carr, gulp, and say, “I’m guessing you have no idea where we are either.”

He looks at me, eyebrows furrowed, and grunts to confirm my assumption. Carr is a boy of very few words.

His demeanour seems calm but I can feel him scrutinizing the whole situation. I don’t notice anyone I know, and I don’t think I want to. Still, I feel like it’s time to move on. Something in me pulls him along and we start walking, not enough time for me to think more about where we are.

And then I see it. She’s running across the street, like she’s late to school, and I know. She’s different from all the rest. I can just feel it in my bones the way she tucks her hair behind her ear, shrugs her backpack back on, and walks at a slower pace than the rest.

I let go of Carr’s hand, and run to her waving my hands in the air, crossing the street.

“Hey, you! Yeah you!” I holler.

She points to herself looking around and I can see how uncomfortable she is. A few people stare but I continue to run across the street, not realizing my fate was about to change.

It’s all kind of in slow motion and I can’t hear Carr’s words screaming to stop, and the girl’s face turn to horror. And then it hits. In my left shoulder, more than a sting, more than cramps on a period, more than anything I’ve felt before.

The bullet takes me down, making me fall to the ground, knees first. I try to remember when I had felt like this, and realize that this could be the end. Nothing happens. My life doesn’t flash before my eyes, and I can tell that it’s a flesh wound, enough to make me bleed out, but I still feel the pain. Knowing it won’t kill you doesn’t make it any better.

And so I lie in the street gripping my shoulder staring at the mundane white sky in disbelief.

What is this place?

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author's note: If you haven't figured out yet, there are two points of view in this story. One is Ryder's, the other's is Tami's.