Notes:
Hey there, readers! I'm so sorry that it took me almost a full year to update this fanfiction. When I first started this fic it helped me to release my emotions without having to directly vent to anyone (something that I greatly dislike to do simply because I don't want to add any weight onto someone's shoulders). After some time, I hit a huge depressed rut and found life to be nothing but painful. I ended up having a few bad relapses of my own. My family found out soon after and immediately sent me to a therapist. Being so bad at venting my bottled emotions, it took quite some time for my defensive wall to fade. So, with that out in the open now, if you have any questions, comments, or requests, feel free to leave a comment below! Also, please, if you're still reading this fanfiction, let me know in the comments below! That, within itself, will give me the confidence that I need to continue this story!
Important: I would like all of you to also understand that this chapter is unbeta'd! My beta-readers have quit and I personally haven't taken the time to read over my piece! Sorry about this!
Thank you all so much!
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Chapter 4:
Don't Get Your Hopes Up
"You..." I spat with clear disgust. My brows furrowed and my teeth, tightly clenched.
"Wait! Before you go off on me, I want to say just a few things!" My fingers clasped around the hem of my sweatshirt as he begged me to listen to his vile words.
"I don't care!" I turned on my heel and fled to the door in anger.
Only after releasing a heavy sigh, he spoke; "Eren, if you don't accept my help then I will have to contact Carla and make sure you get the attention you fucking need!" His words caused me to pause, my full body's weight planted on my leading foot.
'How can this man continue to belittle me? My mother doesn't deserve any more pain but no, this asshat, a mere stranger, would place that extra burden on my mother's frail shoulders without a second thought.' "You...y-you wouldn't!" I could feel my uncontrollable rage spike as our eyes met.
"Eren, I don't want to hurt you or your family in any way however I can't just leave you like this," he spoke with a fake calmness that I knew was hiding irritation. "You need help and if you won't accept it from me then I must inform someone close to you before you seriously get hurt. I won't just fucking stand by while you kill yourself!"
"How would you know that I need help? You sure as hell aren't 'worthless Eren fucking Jäger' and clearly you don't know the pain that I'm going through so you can shut the hell up and stop trying to be the fucking hero here!" I yelled back at him with full force, my head down, my fists tightly clenched in a death grip, and my whole body shaking beneath the heavy layers adorning my generally weak, thin frame.
"Eren," he sighed again as he approached, a pallid hand nearing my trembling shoulder. Enraged, I brusquely swatted the hand away, causing him to take a step away from me; the feral child. "I'm not trying to be the fucking hero here...I just want to help," he spoke as I turned on my heel. "Hey!" He tried to stop me from walking out. "I may not be you however I have had problems of my own and I know how it feels to be alone." My eyes caught the shift in his stance. "Damn it all! I...I used to be like you," he spoke with his steel gray eyes averted.
"So, you think you are 'like' me?" I turned to face him yet again, laughing at his words. "No one is like me!" I hollered. "Everyone has someone that cares for them and loves them accept for me! I always lose the friends I have and hurt those that get too close! How else am I supposed to atone for all the pain that I have dealt upon people? How else am I supposed to vent this monstrous rage? Tell me, how am I supposed to live with the fact that I am fucking worthless! My blade is my only friend that takes away my agony, my regret, my guilt...and if you want to take that away from me too then you can go shove all your fake sympathy up your ass because I don't want it!"
