The calmness of the dark night sky urges me to drive where I can see the city lights. I hurried to my not-so-old-black-Ford-Ranger. I breathe deeply. Buckle up my seatbelt. Fixing the rearview mirror put the key to the ignition. I turn on the audio player so I wouldn't get bored on my way. I connect my iPhone to play some tracks to suit my mood.
"There you go." I said as I push the button. "Good old soothing music. All set, let's go!"
At first I don't know where I'm heading to, until I found myself hitting the east side of the metro. 'I think I know now where I'm going' I said at the back of my mind. The place which I remember I often visited alone these past few days.
Since the place is in a higher area, the weather here is a bit colder compared to Manila. The fresh air is present compared to urban polluted air. I can see tall trees not tall buildings. I can hear the sound of crickets' not the simultaneous horn of the cars in EDSA. This is my comfort place.
I'm here because I want some peace of mind to clear tons of thoughts that clouded my mind. To relax, so I could think clearly on how I will handle what's right from wrong and what's wrong to seem right. And, of course I want to be alone.
"So someone's got earlier here than me." Nodding as I said. "Akala ko pa naman maso-solo ko 'tong lugar, hindi pala."
I saw a couple hugging, talking and laughing. I parked my car not too close to them so I couldn't interrupt their own 'privacy'. Carrying the bag of beer that I bought along the way, I open the car door and step out. Yes, you read it right, BEER. "Who said that I don't drink huh? Who said that my alcohol tolerance is low? Tell them they're wrong because here I am drinking alone, enjoying myself." Closing the door I walk to the back side of my car. I pull down the tailgate and place the paper bag of beer.
I immediately; my knees leveled with my chest and beer in my hand. I took a sip from my beer. Looking back at them, holding hands as they stare at the city lights as it twinkle under the night sky.
I sighed deeply. "I wish I have her beside me" feeling envy, I took another sip.
Then, there's a weird black hole pulling off my memory out of my brain. Just like a giant screen. I want to push it back but I can't stop it. Tears start to fall down on my cheek.
***Flashback***
"Wait! 'Wag ka munang umalis. Saglit lang..." I grabbed her wrist before she could make a step. I look at her eyes, pleading. "...please just lis-"
"No!" She cuts me right before I could finish. She looks at my hand then back at me, raising her eyebrows "I... I need to go!" looking at me she said firmly, "naguguluhan na ako. Gulong-gulo sa mga narinig ko mula sa'yo. I heard enough Glaiz, could you please let me go." Emphasizing to the word 'please' I became helpless. I loosen my grip as she pull her hand and walk away. The only thing I could do is watch her leave and hear the banging of the door. I want to follow her but I can't move. I feel paralyzed. My feet were like nailed on the floor. My eyes still glued into the door.
Tears start to crawl down fast. I put my hand on my forehead while the other is on my chest. My heart can't stand the pain anymore. I screamed. I scream my lungs out. I cried like a little girl who lost her candy. My knees became weak that it made me sit in the floor. "FUCK!" I brush my hair and pulling it as the same time. "Ang tanga, tanga ko! Fuck!" I kept on yelling these phrases as loud as I can.
***End of flashback***
"Cheers! Iinom mo lang yan Cha." I raised the beer can and yelled. I'm about to take a sip but nothing came out. "Bad trip naman o!" I threw the can and get another one. I popped open another one, my 4th or 5th probably. I don't know I lost count. Feeling dizzy, I laugh at myself "Tang-ina lasing na ata ako." I'm starting to feel the effect of the beer so I lie down. Gazing at the sky filled with stars, I saw a plane passing through the clouds heading south. It's deafening sound. It's blinking lights. I followed it with my eyes until it became smaller and smaller as it move.
I see nothing but blur.
Fade.
And I thought about her once again.
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