Moments Unseen (One Direction)

Chapter 33- Call Her Bluff

*Re-cap*

Zayn held my hand and looked me straight in the eye "I love you, J."

--

I sat there, numb. He didn't really just say that did he? He couldn't have. He wouldn't have. I tried to speak but nothing came out. He just stared at me, like he was expecting me to say it back. "No, no, no. Zayn you're joking right?"

He dropped his hands from my waist, "That wasn't exactly the response I was hoping for..."

I felt horrible. He looked completely devastated and torn. But what could I do? He should've known I wouldn't say it back. He shouldn't have expected anything. "Zayn, I'm sorry. I just, I can't say that. You know I can't say that." Aside from yesterday, tonight, and the day I officially became his girlfriend, I haven't seen him in months. And he's already saying he loves me? Maybe, like Harry, he's simply mistaking his feelings for something else. It's just way too soon for this. I didn't know what else to say. I could feel my eyebrows tense together and I shook my head.

Both of his hands rose to cup my face, "J, I know it's scary but I love you and I can tell you love me too. Just, just say you love me."

I couldn't stop the tears from coming. I can't say it. I hung my head as best as I could, seeing as his hands were still on my face. He knew what I was thinking, when his hands fell I knew he knew. "Zayn I can't--"

"Maybe I should go..." He stood up.

I mimicked his actions and stood up. "No, Zayn please don't." I pleaded.

"I can't do this right now, J. I have to go..." I could tell I hurt him. But he knew... He knew...

I watched as he walked away. From behind it seemed as though he didn't have a care in the world. Surely if I could see his face the pain would be there. But I can't, so from here it's as though he's the happiest he's ever been. I didn't know what to do now. I stood alone under the oak tree, the oak tree where just moments ago I was making memories with one of the people I cared for the most. Tears dampened my face and breathing became difficult. I slumped down onto the ground and pulled my knees into my chest.

"What is wrong with me?" I thought to myself, "Why is it that I don't believe in love, what happened?" If you were to ask my why and when I stopped believing in love I wouldn't be able to tell you. When I was little I always wanted my Prince Charming, but as I got older I noticed that none of what I watched in Disney movies was real. None of it actually happened in real life. If Prince Charming couldn't be real, how could love? I supposed I never really understood how humans were capable of loving one another. Sure, I love my family, and Mads, who is like my family. But, that's a different kind of love.

Once I finally collected myself I took my time walking home. I didn't bother trying to turn off the lights, I just left them there. Maybe someone else will have better luck under the beautifully lit up tree. My mind and heart were racing a million miles a minute, I could hardly tell where I was going. Before I knew it I was back home, Zayn's car was missing from the curb. Thankfully my family was already in bed; I hadn't realized how long I was gone, it was eleven o'clock. Mads wanted me to call her when I got home but I don't think I could get any words out if I tried. I plopped myself on top of my bed, the duvet conformed around my shape. I laid there and wept until I fell asleep.

--

The next two days were a blur, it was the same thing each day; wake up, go to work, come home, eat dinner, go straight to bed. I didn't eat breakfast or lunch, and honestly I didn't want dinner either but I ate just so I could avoid a million questions from my mom. I haven't heard from Zayn since Wednesday night and I'm starting to get worried. Obviously it's pretty guaranteed that I lost my boyfriend but I wish he would just talk to me. Mads thinks he just needed some time to think and that it doesn't mean we broke up; but I disagree. Niall thinks Zayn needs to slow down with his feelings and that "he shouldn't have scared me"; I disagree. Liam (who is always completely honest), on the other hand, told me that he thinks I am the one that needs to cope with my feelings and maybe talk to someone who can help; he is the one that's probably right. I don't know who to talk to, actually. Mads has all but given up on trying to talk to me about this subject, and Niall sugar coats everything, and they are really the only two friends I can talk to. I would call Liam, but his love is a little too tough sometimes. I went to the one person that would be honest but still comforting. The one person I have been avoiding having one on one time with- my mom. I've been trying not to have alone time with my mom ever since my dad passed. I know that sounds bad, and I feel horrible about it. It's just I don't want to talk about my feelings when it comes to my dad. Every time I talk about it every single bad feeling I have had comes rushing right back to me, and it's almost guaranteed my mom will bring it up. I crept into the office- my dads office- where my mom was sitting, trying to sort through dads things.

"Hey mom?" I asked somewhat cautiously.

"Yes? Oh hi sweetie." My mom said.

"I was just wondering if I could talk to you about something.."

"Of course, What's going on?" She inquired. I explained everything, from what happened with Harry to where I am now with Zayn and what Zayn had confessed the other night. "And do you feel the same for him?" Was she not listening?!

"No mom! I don't. I don't love him, I don't believe in love and I never will! How am I supposed to be with him and love him back if I don't even believe in love." I feel pathetic. I had to run to my mommy because my boyfriend told me he loves me. Most girls dream of that; millions of girls dream of Zayn telling them that. And here I am complaining about it.

"Honestly you can't. You can't be in a relationship and expect to be together forever if you aren't ready or willing to open your heart up to even the possibility of love."

Ugh, I knew she was right. She was very right. I trudged up the stairs to my room. On my desk rested the pile of pictures I pulled out of my dads guitar. I picked up the one of Zayn and I and held it close to my heart. Suddenly a dog bark outside scared me and the picture I held fluttered onto the floor. "Stupid dog." I muttered. As I bent down to pick up the picture I noticed writing on the back. At a closer glance I noticed it wasn't my dads handwriting- but Zayn's instead. For a guy, he has, pretty good handwriting... "He's determined to call her bluff." Was scribbled on the back. Where have I heard that before? I racked my brain through every movie I've ever seen and every song I've ever heard. If you couldn't guess, that's a very long list. I put on my iPod, hoping the right song would come on. Eleven songs later I found it: Remembering Sunday. Funny, I never pegged Zayn to be the kind of guy to listen to All Time Low:

"And even though she doesn't believe in love, he's determined to call her bluff. Who could deny these butterflies, they're filling his gut."

Wow, if there were ever something that related most to my life, this was it. I sat and thought for hours on end; not knowing what to do. I finally came to a conclusion that this is it. This is what my dad was talking about- Zayn is the rest of my book. He is every detail, every feeling, every setting, every character, every plot line, everything was him. Did this mean I love him? I don't know, all I know is that I need him in my life and I'm going to get him back.